Archive for 7 September, 2011

MARU | 7 September, 2011
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Engrish!

ABISO: Bago nyo basahin ‘to…kumuha muna ng isang basong tubig, tabletang Bonamine para pangontra-hilo dahil baka kayo ay makaramdam ng pagkahilo pagkatapos magbasa. In case na sumakit din ang  ulo nyo, mag-Biogesic ka na rin. Kaya, INGAT!

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Ganito Ka Rin Ba Mag-ENGLISH?

(To whoever gets to understand this letter, CONGRATULATIONS!)

The following is a letter found at a certain bar in Manila and has been preserved in its original, unedited form. Enjoy reading and you may try direct translation in Tagalog. Pls. read with feeling…

 

October 1996

To Marije,

I am not surprise or wander why Dennis leave you why? What reason can you think about but you’re very fat body. I thought before that Dennis only use me to his toy but sooner or later I’m realize that he really can;t not beared or stomached to be with you anymore because at first, Dennis say he could not stand you’re habit of making pakialam all his walks (lakad) and always calling to their house what he go home or this or that.

And then he say he get ashame to me either in school or in his family and then asking you to exercise you’re very very,very fat body. But you hate it. Thought you;re the most preetiest girls he knows about. What do you think you are “BeautifulGirl” of Jose Marie Chan?

Even you are beautiful face (to your think) you do not have the right to called me whatsoever or else difference name one time or the other for the real purposed to insults my personality because I’m never call you names either in the front of Dennis or in the backs of Dennis, but if you start already to calling me different name, I don’t have any other choice but to call you other different name to. Like you are a PIG, FAT, OBESSED, OVERWEIGHT, AND UGLY SHAPE girl. Shame to you’re body that is to a BUDING.

You can’t not blame Dennis for exchanging you to me because I am the more sexier that you when you look to us in the mirror. I’m repeat again that you are like Ike Lozada when she is a girl.

Love,

The sexiest Girl of D.M.

P.S.

You say that I’m the bad breathe but who is Dennis want to kissed. Me or you? And the final is me. There you go.

 

Ang masasabi ko lang? LITSI!

 

oOo

Category: HUMOR | Tags:
MARU | 7 September, 2011
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Words For Wednesday

 

 

Category: Quotes and Poetry | Tags:
MARU | 6 September, 2011
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Pinoy Banat 6 (Cheesy Punchlines)

  1. “Sa hinaba haba man ng tulog ko, ikaw pa rin ang dahilan ng pag gising ko.”
  2. “I cant promise to be your friend forever kasi malay mo TAYO NA LATER.”
  3. “Sa lahat ng salita sa mundo.. IKAW ang pinaka-gusto ko.”
  4. “Kung akala mo nasa isip kita.. FEELING MO! Kapal Mo! Hoy! Nasa PUSO kaya kita!”
  5. “Ayaw na ayaw kong lumulusong sa baha. Pero kung babahain ako ng pag-ibig mo, aba! sisisid pa ako!”
  6. “Ayokong bolahin pa kita.. baka kasi tumalbog ka.. masalo ka pa ng iba!”
  7. “Aanhin ko sila… kung ikaw lang naman talaga.”
  8. “Sa dinami-daming TUBIG sa mundo , UHAW pa din ako sa pagmamahal mo.”
  9. “Excuse me Karibal.. Dadaan na ang Original.”
  10. “Marunong ka bang mag-ayos ng cellphone? Sira ata phone ko.. wala kasi yung number mo eh. Pakilagay nga.”
  11. “Pag nabangga kita, wag mong sabihing bulag ako, kasi di maaari yun.. dahil may pagtingin ako sa yo!”
  12. “Naturukan kaba ng anesthesia? Bat di mo maramdamang Mahal kita?”
  13. “Kadiliman ka ba? Wala na kasi akong makitang iba pag andyan ka.”
  14. “Busy ka? Samahan mo naman ako.. Sa Habambuhay.”
  15. “Miss, mukha kang nanay…. nanay ng magiging anak ko.”
  16. “Miss.. SOCCER PLAYER ka ba? Ang lakas kasi ng SIPA mo.. sa PUSO ko.’
  17. “Sakit ng mata ko..hindi na ata ako makakakita.. ng mas hihigit pa sa yo.”
  18. “Akala ko dati sa matataas lang na lugar pwedeng mahulog. Pati pala sayo.”
  19. “Turnilyo ka ba? Kasi habang umiikot ka sa isip ko lalo kang bumabaon sa puso ko.”
  20. “Amo ba kita? Bakit inaalila mo ang puso ko?”
  21. “Pwede mo bang patayin yung ilaw? Para tayo nalang yung MAG-ON.”
  22. “Syet ! na-out of balance ako. Nahulog tuloy ako sa ‘yo.”
  23. “Kung ang tunog ng aso ay aw aw aw, at meow meow meow sa pusa, ang puso ko naman ay ikaw ikaw ikaw ikaw ikaw!”
  24. “Buhat ng makilala kita, naging tamad ako. TAMAD NA AKONG MAGMAHAL PA NG IBA.”
  25. “Sa lahat ng pagkakamali ko, IKAW lang ang TAMA!”
  26. “Sana I.D. ka na lang para pag nawala ka, ALAM NILANG AKIN KA!”
  27. “LIKOD ka ba ? ang hirap mo kasing abutin!”
  28. BOY: Pwede ba kitang halikan sa kamay?”
    GIRL: Bakit? anong problema sa labi ko?”
  29. GIRL: Pulis ka ba?
    BOY: Di ah! Mukha ba akong pulis?
    GIRL: Di naman sa ganoon.. Huling huli mo lang talaga kiliti ko.
  30. GIRL: Buwan ka ba?
    BOY: Bakit?
    GIRL: Kasi baka iwan mo din ako pagdating ng araw.
  31. GIRL: Nota ka ba?
    BOY: Ui ikaw ah, Ano yang sinasabi mo?
    GIRL: Wala lang. Pinupuno mo lang kasi talaga ng magandang musika ang buhay ko.
  32. BOY: Miss ituro mo ung sementeryong gusto mo.
    GIRL: Bakit naman?
    BOY: Kasi dun ko ililibing ang puso kung patay na patay sau.

 

oOo

Category: HUMOR | Tags: ,
MARU | 5 September, 2011
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Pancakes

Gamit ang Pancake Mix na ginawa ko in my previous post, pinahirapan ko lang naman ang sarili ko noong Sunday nang ginawan ko ng meryendang Pancakes ang mga amo ko.

Pancakes

Bukod sa mas masarap (ng triple) ang Pancake Mix ko kumpara dun sa nakasanayang commercial mix na naka-box, eh sulit ang pagtitiyaga ko kasi natuwa ang mga amo ko sa flower shape ng mga pancakes. Minsan, yun lang naman ang kunswelo ng mga nanay na gaya ko, ang makitang bentang-benta sa pamliya ang niluluto.

 

PancakesPancakes

Napaka-lukaret ko talaga. Ginawa kong kumplikado ang paraan ng napakasimpleng pagluluto ng Pancakes. Imbis na yung usual non-stick pan ang gamitin, yung flower-shaped egg molder ang ginamit ko. Lol! Wala lang, trip-trip lang.

Egg Molder  Pancake in an egg molder  

 

oOo

“Kung kelan kita na-MISS, doon mo ako NATITIIS.”

Category: Cakes, Tarts & Pies | Tags: ,
MARU | 5 September, 2011
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SMS Jokes 2011-238

**Courtesy of MIKE

Flash Report!

An apparition occured yesterday in Lubao, Pampanga, witnessed by GMA & others. She was rushed to hospital after the phenomenon. Nagpakita daw si Angelo Reyes at kinakamayan syang sumunod  at nagsabi:

"TARA NA MA’AM, HINIHINTAY KA NA NILA!

Ang gustong magka-anak ay pumupunta kay STA. CLARA;
ang mga hopeless, kay ST. JUDE;
ang mga gustong makalusot sa mga kaso, kay ST. LUKES!

Pek pek ato!
Pek pek ato!
Pek pek ato !

Tuwang tuwa ang NGONGO na naperfect niya ang exam sa school nila.

Ms. America: “My boobs are like water melons!”
Audience: “Yehey!”
Ms. Japan: “Ma boobsu a layku coconatsu!”
Audience: “Yehey!”
Ms. R. P.: “Boobs ko, parang siopao!”
Audience: “Booooo!”
Ms. R. P.: “Ops, ops, ops… nipples pa lang yon!”

JUAN: “Pare, ayoko na sa GF ko. Hihiwalayan ko na sya.”
PEDRO: “Bakit naman, pare?”
JUAN: “Kasi nalaman ko, manananggal sya!”
PEDRO: “Ha?! Nahahati ang katawan nya sa gabi ganon?”
JUAN: “Hindi pare, sa club, manananggal ng salawal.”

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Category: HUMOR, September 2011 | Tags: , ,
MARU | 5 September, 2011
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Barcode Scanner

I wish owners of retail establishments here in my town will implement the use barcode scanners to improve their business efficiency. Using barcode scanner is more accurate and it minimizes the error of the cashier when computing the prices of the items. Not only it helps save a lot of time and energy for employees, but also for customers like me, who hates standing

Category: Task2Blog | Tags:
MARU | 5 September, 2011
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Auto Repair Business

repair shop I don’t own a car, never had one, so it follows that I don’t have a single knowledge when it comes to auto repair, auto maintenance or anything about cars. However, ask me what business I prefer to establish if given a chance. An auto repair shop!

With highly-skilled repairmen/mechanic to employ, strategic location of the garage and very smart auto repair shop software, for sure it is going to be a great business to get involved in.

Category: Task2Blog | Tags:
MARU | 5 September, 2011
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Collectibles

disney pin I used to have collectible pins of Disney characters as one of my hobby when I was in college. However, all of my Disney pins were locally made or imitations for obvious reason that as a student, I can’t afford yet to buy/collect the imported ones. By the way, the pin collectibles are available either by trading pins or by purchase. The other collections that I used to have are the miniature bottles of alcohol. I no longer have my pin collections, but my mini-bottles of alcohol, I still keep them with me until now.

Category: Task2Blog | Tags:
MARU | 2 September, 2011
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Banana Bread

Pinaka-dabest na recipe ng Banana Bread ‘to para sa akin

banana bread

banana bread in a panbanana bread  banana bread slice of banana breadbanana bread slices  

BANANA BREAD

Ingredients:

  • 1 1/2 cups all purpose flour
  • 1 cup plus 2 tablespoons sugar
  • 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon, divided
  • 1 teaspoon baking soda
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt
    1 cup mashed ripe bananas (2 to 3 medium)
  • 2 large eggs
  • 1/2 cup vegetable oil
  • 1/4 cup honey
  • 1/4 cup water
  • 2 1/2 tablespoons (packed) golden brown sugar
  1. Preheat oven to 350°F.
  2. Whisk 1 1/2 cups flour, 1 cup sugar, 1 teaspoon cinnamon, baking soda, and salt in medium bowl. Whisk next 5 ingredients in large bowl until smooth. Add dry ingredients; stir to blend. Transfer batter to pan (9x5x3). Mix 2 tablespoons sugar, 1 teaspoon cinnamon, and brown sugar; sprinkle over batter.
  3. Bake bread until tester inserted into center comes out clean, about 1 hour.

oOo

“Julia Child didn’t start cooking until she was thirty-seven.”

Category: Breads & Sandwiches | Tags:
MARU | 2 September, 2011
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SMS Jokes 2011-237

**Courtesy of MIKE

  •  

TATAY: “Bakit ka umiiyak anak?”
ANAK: “Kasi po sabi ng mga kaklase ko mukhang puwit daw ako!”
TATAY: “Huwag mo silang pansinin anak. Binibiro ka lang nila. O eto toilet paper punasan mo na yang mukha mo.”

NANAY: “Nak, tignan mo nga sa dyaryo baka tumama tayo sa lotto.”
ANAK: “Sige po.”
NANAY: “Nak! nanalo tayo P700,000,000!”
ANAK: “Salamat sa Diyos! Di na tayo mahirap, nay..”
NANAY: “Oo nga at di na tayo kakain ng tigsampung pisong tuyo.”
ANAK: “Ano na kakainin natin nay?”
NANAY: “Tig limandaang pisong tuyo na!”

GURO: “Kung may 100 ka at humingi ka ng 500 sa mama mo, magkano pera mo?”
BOY: “100.”
GURO: “Mali, di mo alam ang Math mo!”
BOY: “Excuse me, di nyo kilala ugali ng mama ko!”

WIFE: “Sweetheart, si Mareng Glo nagpadagdag ng boobs, si Mareng Rose naman nagpadagdag ng pwet.”
HUSBAND: “So nainggit ka naman? Gagayahin mo rin?”
WIFE: “Hindi ah. Kung papayag ka sweetheart, magpapadagdag ako ng pekpek.”
HUSBAND: “Andami namang dapat dagdagan, bakit yan pa?”
WIFE: “Kasi sweetheart, nag-aagawan mga pare mo, para masolo mo yung isa!”

TEACHER: “Pinatawag ko po kayo kasi magaling sana mag-drawing ang anak nyo. pero pekpek palagi ang ginuguhit nya.”
TATAY: “Alam ko yun. Nagdrawing ng pekpek yun sa stove namin. Apat na beses na nga napaso ang dila ko at hanggang ngayon mahapdi pa rin titi ko.” ;(

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Category: HUMOR, September 2011 | Tags:
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