Monday Humor

 
 
 
 

SALESGIRL: “You can’t smoke here.”
CUSTOMER: “But I bought from this shop.”
SALESGIRL: “We sell condom too, but it doesn’t mean you can fuck here.”

TEACHER: “What is meant by serial killer?”
GIRL: “The man who adds poison in someone’s cereal.”

GIRL: “Any love cards?”
SHOPKEEPER: “How about this, it says ‘To the only boy I ever loved’.”
GIRL: “Great! I want 10 of them .”

REPORTER: “How does it feel to become a millionaire?”
MILLIONAIRE: “Sad, because I am not a billionaire.”

TEACHER: “Why are you late for school?”
KID: “Because of the Sign.”
TEACHER: “What Sign?”
KID: “It says "School ahead, go slow"

LITTLE GIRL: “Mom! Boy next door have a penis like a peanut.”
MOM: “Do you mean it is small.”
GIRL: “No Mom! Its salty.”

A French in a hotel in NY, phoned room service for pepper.
ATTENDANT: “Black pepper or white pepper?”
FRENCH: “Toilette pepper!”

BABY FISH: “Why can’t we live on earth?”
MOTHER FISH: “Earth is not the place for FISH, it’s made for SELFISH.”

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QUESTION: “What did Tarzan think when he saw a dead cheetah?”
ANSWER: “Wow! New UNDERWEAR.”

QUESTION: “What do you call a girl who complains a lot?”
ANSWER: “MONA.”

QUESTION: “What do you call someone whose used to be called Lee?”
ANSWER: “FORMERLY.”

QUESTION: “What do you call a fish with no eye?”
ANSWER: “FSH!”

QUESTION: “Why do gorillas have big nostrils?”
ANSWER: “Coz they got big fingers!!”

QUESTION: “What do you do with a years worth of used condoms?”
ANSWER: “Melt them, turn them into tire and call it Goodyear.”

 
 
 
 
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Underwear color reflects mood.
Red: Wild
Black: Sex
Blue: Romantic
Pink: Seductive
White: Calm
Yellow: Time to change it

3 wonders of a woman :
1. Give milk without eating grass
2. Get wet without water
3. Bleed for a week without going to die

Three ways of fast communication :
1. Television
2. Telephone
3. Tell-a-woman

PHILOSOPHY : Small things hurt a lot.
Example : You can sit on a mountain but not on a pin.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

Men are like cement. After getting laid, they take a long time to get hard.

World’s shortest resignation letter? "Respected sir, I love your wife".

I saw you on road today. You were looking so fine. My heart started singing a song : Who Let The Dog Out!

 

oOo

“Behind every successful woman, there is a satisfied men! But behind a satisfied woman, there is an exhausted man!”

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