**Courtesy of Mike
STUDENT: "Sir, baka naman po pwedeng mag re-Quiz?"
TEACHER: "Sige anung song?"
10 years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash
Now we have no Jobs, no Hope and no Cash.
Hindi lahat ng ibon, may katawan at paa,
meron ding ulo lang…
BOY: "Is your dad a farmer?"
BOY: (looking a girl’s boobs) "Because, babe, you got some tasty looking melons.."
JUAN:"Tay, totoo po bang ANDER kayo!"
TATAY:"Syempre HINDI! Buti pa tulungan mo ko sa labahin at plantsahin ko para matuwa inay mo pagkagising!"
GIRLFRIEND: "Wanna see a magic trick?"
BOYFRIEND: "Sure , babe."
GIRLFRIEND: "BAM ! You’re single."
Malapit na ang HALLOWEEN, uso na naman ang MUKHA mo!
One day in a supermarket:
PROMO GIRL: "Ma’m free taste here!"
LADY: "I’ll try this one."
LADY: "This is already spoiled!"
PROMO GIRL: "Yes ma’m, that shows what happen to your food if you don’t get a refrigerator. Come and I’ll show our cheapest fridge!"
"Lagi na lang ba akong kailangang hingin at pagpasa-pasahan?" –QUOTES
TEACHER: "Where is your homework?"
STUDENT: "I uploaded it on Facebook and I tagged you."
HUSBAND: "You’re fat!"
WIFE: "I know, it runs in my family."
HUSBAND: "Honey, no one runs in your family!"
A salesman knocked at a door and a woman answered.
"Hi," said the man, "would you like to buy a book entitled 500 excuses to give your wife for staying out late?"
"Why on earth would I buy a book like that?" asked the woman.
"Because," replied the salesman, "your husband bought a copy this morning!"
Definition of a Nurse:
"The dashing girl wearing an angel white uniform, holding your hand and looking into your eyes… and
still expecting your pulse to be normal."
TEACHER: why are you late?"
GIRL: I’m late?"
TEACHER: You just missed an entire period."
GIRL: Are you telling me I’m pregnant!"
ANGRY bird is better than a BIG BIRD.
Do you know why?
Aanhin mo naman ang BIG bird kung di naman ANGRY?
A sleeping beggar puts a notice board in front of him:
"Please do not make noise by dropping coins…
HUBBY on date with chick, calls wife to check: "Hello? What are you doing darling?"
WIFE: "I’m dying."
HUBBY (jumps w/ joy & fakingly cries): "How can I ever live without you? Huhuhu!"
WIFE: "Oh sweet husband, I’m dying my hair BLONDE!"