SMS Jokes 2011-249

GMA : “May sakit ako at magpapagamot ako sa America, wag na wag mo ibenta ang lupa sa tapat natin.”
FG : “Hon,hindi naman sa atin ang lupa dyan sa tapat natin ah.”
GMA : “Kaya nga wag mo ibenta. Tanga, bobo, gago! Yung Helicopters nga di atin, ibinenta mo, itong lupa pa sa tapat pa natin?”

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May dalawang lalaki sabay nag jogging:
GUY 1: "Pare, doctor ako. Kaya ako tumatakbo kasi HEALTH conscious ako! Ikaw pre?"
GUY 2: "Snatcher pre! WEALTH conscious ako."

KID: "Yaya look, boats!"
YAYA: "Dows are not boats, dey’re yachts."
KID: "Yaya, spell yachts?"
YAYA: "Yor rayt, dey are boats."

PEDRO: "Sikat na talaga si Pacquiao."
JUAN: "Bakit naman?"
PEDRO: "Bumili kasi ako ng bagong fone, may option na send to many."
JUAN: "Ang tanga nito, matagal na kaya yan. Hindi naman nagrereply yan eh."

Narinig ko sa balita na parte daw ng HR bill ay SEX EDUCATION…
Ang tanong…
Payag ba kayo na magkaroon ng PRACTICUM sa SEX EDUCATION?

GUIDE: "I welcome you all to Niagara falls. This is the world’s largest waterfalls and its sound intensity is so great that the sound of even 20 supersonic planes passing by can’t be heard! Now may I request the ladies to keep quiet so that we can hear  the Niagara?"

In a military firing range training grounds…
SGT:" Men, when i blow the whistle, I want u to shoot at will."
At that moment one very frightened young soldier ran & hid away frm the group.
SGT (very angry): "Who was that?  Where is he going?"
SOLDIER: "That was Will, Sir."

"Matapos akong mabuo at ilabas sa mundong ito, ikaw pala ang sisira at babasag sa kinabukasan ko" – ITLOG (nagdadrama)

"Huwag mo na lang akong tingnan para hindi mo na maalala kung gaano kita nasaktan." -PEKLAT (concern na peklat)

"Pag iniwan ka na, wag mo ng subukang habulin pa,dahil baka masaktan ka lang." – Isang paalala mula sa LRT/MRT

"Bakit ba ako lagi ang pinag-iinitan ninyo?" – Etchoserang TAKORE

PEDRO: "Pare ganda ng relo mo ah. Saan galing?"
JUAN: "Hehe rolex to pare,napanalunan ko sa takbuhan."
PEDRO: "Galing mo ah, saang takbuhan?"
JUAN: "Sa The Fort pare."
PEDRO: "Ilan kayotumakbo ‘pre?"
JUAN: 3 kame pare… ako, ung pulis, at yung may-ari.

HUSBAND: "From year to year, from courtship till our silver anniversary, from day till night, my feelings for you has never changed."
WIFE: "Wow! What are your feelings for me?"
HUSBAND: "You  always have been a headache for me!"

There are 4 kinds of Men..
1. AFRICANS: they have 1 wife & 1 girlfriend but they love their wife the most.
2. AMERICANS: they have 1 wife & 1 girlfriend but they love their girlfriend the most.
3. INDIANS: They have 1 wife & 4 girlfriends but they love their housemaids the most.
4. ARABS: They have 100 wives but love their CAMELS more.

TANONG: Bakit puro patay ang buhok sa KILI-KILI ?
SAGOT: Kung ikaw nasa kalagayan nila , gugustuhin mo pa bang mabuhay?

KASABIHAN OF THE DAY:
"Matalino man daw ang matsing, kamukha mo parin."

BANAT OF THE DAY:
"Miss na kita … mo ba yung nalaglag na piso?"

SA MGA BISAYA:
"Ang akong CRUSH murag ballpen, mag-guol ko pag dili MO-AGI."

POSITIVE THOUGHT OF THE DAY:
When you feel that nobody loves you,
Nobody cares for you,
Everyone is ignoring you,
and people are jealous of you,
You should really ask yourself…
AM I TOO sexy?

oOo

"Huwag kang papasok sa isang RELASYON kung di mo kaya panindigan ang iyong DESISYON."

 

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