**Courtesy of MIKE
APO: "Lolo! Lolo! May sampung kabayo, tumalon yung isa. Ilan ang bunga ng kamatis?"
LOLO: "Eh apo, yang tanong mo di abot ng utak ko, pero yang nguso mo abot ng kamao ko. Salbaheng apo!"
A man has a leaking roof over the dining table..
PLUMBER: "Sir, when did you noticed it?"
MAN: "Last night. It took me 3 hours to finish my soup!"
Gandang Gabi Vice
QUESTION: "Tuli ka na ba Vice?"
VICE GANDA: "Oo, bakit gusto mo yung balat? Ibibigay ko sayo."
QUESTION: Why does the penis hate himself?
ANSWER: he has a bald head with no brains, one blind eye, lives among nuts, an asshole is his neighbor and he is in love with a pussy.
QUESTION: What do you call a group of people where two people are thinking of LOVE and all the others are thinking of food?
ANSWER: A Wedding!
QUESTION: What are McDo ‘s employees now asking customers in the States?
ANSWER: Can you afford fries with that?
Wawa din mga kano, later mga lucky me na lang chibug nila!
"You might show me a little more respect," complained the girl as she and her date were driving back from Lovers’ Lookout.
"Like by doing what?" asked her date.
"Well, for starters, like not flying my panty from your radio antenna."
TEACHER: "What is the first month?"
TEACHER: "What is the second month?"
TEACHER: "What is the ninth month?"
Please stop behaving like a wife..
Kindly let me complete my sentence before you give suggestions.. Thanks."
BOY: "I love u…"
BOY: "It’s my favorite vowel."
Thieves broke into Erap’s house, stole HD television
He ran after them and caught them because they forgot the remote.
She got an expensive PEN as birthday gift.
She sent thank you SMS: "Your penis wonderful, I enjoyed using it last night."
Man standing on the weighing scale, holding his tummy in.
WIFE: "I don’t think that’s going to help."
MAN: "Sure it does. How else could I see the numbers?"
Notice In A Library
While Reading Books On Sex,
Please Hold The Book With Both Hands
Nang magsimula ang text Dumami ang friends ko.
Naabala ang trabaho ko, Nag karayuma daliri ko,
Nasira ang budget ko…
Higit sa lahat
BUMABA SPELLING IQ KO!
Two women talking..
FIRST: "Widows are better than us…"
SECOND: "Really? How?"
FIRST: "At least they know where their husbands are."
God was the greatest inventor of all time…
He took a rib from Adam and made a loudspeaker!
A man was caught sleeping while on duty at an office. He raised his head slowly and said, "In Jesus’ Name… Amen!"
HOUSEWIFE: "Why were you absent without informing us?
MAID: "No! I updated my status on Facebook "I am going to province." And your husband even commented, "miss you, honey!"
GIRL: "I will marry you when you do some work of bravery…"
BOY: "It’s the greatest deed of bravery when I propose to marry you."
ERAP goes to a Chinese resto and puts his finger on the last item of the menu and says, "Bring me this..!"
WAITER: "Ohh! You can’t get that…he’s the resto owner!"
“Has anyone seen my pants?”
"Huwag ka ng magsayang ng effort sa taong wala namang pakialam sa ‘yo. Para ka lang nagwalis habang nakatutok ang electric fan sa sahig."