Friday Humor

Use CADET in a sentence: “CADET ko si Maria nung isang gabi. Ngayon, ikaw naman ang CADET niya.”

Use DESPISE in a sentence: “Who baked all DESPISE?”

Use DELETION in a sentence: “The balat of DELETION is crispy.”

Use ADIEU in a sentence: “If you are ADIEU, the Arabs will kill you.”

Use Deduct, Defense, Detail & Defeat in a sentence: “DEDUCT jumped over DEFENSE, DEFEAT first, then DETAIL!”

Use Glucose in a sentence: “Don’t GLUCOSE to me please.”

Use MENTION in a sentence: "Ganda ng bahay ko! Parang MENTION!"

Use DELICACY in a sentence: “Bagal mo… DELICACY mahuhuli na tayo!”

Use CARDIAC in a sentence:  “Na CARDIAC yung kotse ni Pedro noong isang gabi.”

Use BE COOL and I’LL BUY in a sentence: “The tourist went to Mayon volcano in I’LL BUY, BE COOL.”

Use DECANTER in a sentence: “You can order that medicine over DECANTER.”

America has COWboy. England has madCOW. China has MaCOW. Russia has MosCOW. But the Philippines has the cutest COWs: iCOW at aCOW

Anong tawag sa mentos na matigas? Cemento!

PULIS: “Nakilala nyo ba ang nanakit at nanampal sa inyo?”
VICTIM:”Hindi pero may naiwan syang fingerprints!”
PULIS:”Nasaan?”
VICTIM:”Nasa pisngi ko!”

JUAN:”Nay, di po ba sabi nyo ginawa tayo ng Diyos? Eh bakit sabi po ni itay galing daw tayo sa unggoy?”
NANAY:”Tama din sya.. sa father’s side!”

Lasing si mister, may uwing aso kay misis.
MR:”Nakikita mo tong unggoy? Galing to sa gubat!”
MRS:”Hoy aso yan!”
MR:”Shhh! Yung aso ang kausap ko!”

I decline to adhere to society’s perception of academic aptitude through institutionalized instruction. TRANSLATION: "AYAW KO NG MAG-ARAL!!"

MRS:Lord, give me WISDOM na unawain ang mister ko, LOVE n PATIENCE na patawarin sya. Kasi po, kung hihingi ako ng STRENGTH, baka mapatay ko!

LOLO(70 yrs old): “Gawin mong 30 yrs younger sa kin ang misis ko!”

GENIE:”Masusunod!”(POOF!)
LOLO:”Ano nangyari?”
GENIE:”Ginawa kitang 100 yrs old!”

Juan kumakanta…
JUAN: ?Kunin mo na ang lahat sa akin?…
Maria: “Uy alam mo ang ganyang boses, mahirap mapulot yan…”
JUAN: (natuwa) “Talaga? Bakit naman?”
MARIA: “BASAG eh!”

INTSIK died. Pumunta sa heaven and asked San Pedro…
INTSIK: “Ano dyan, kabila?”
SAN PEDRO: “Impiyerno. Super init dyan.”
INTSIK: “Ah… Lipat ako dyan.”
SAN PEDRO: “Ha? Bakit?”
INTSIK: “AKO TINDA HALO-HALO!”

PULIS 1: “Pre, alam mo na ba ang usap-usapan?”
PULIS 2: “Bakit pre? Anong balita?”
PULIS 1: “May bading daw sa campo natin?”
PULIS 2: “Sino daw pre?”
PULIS 1: “Kiss muna!”

MARIA: “Nabalitaan ko kagabi nagkatampuhan sina John Loyd at Shaina.”
JUAN: “Oo nga eh, mukhang maghihiwalay na sila.”
Narinig ni Pedro ang usapan at sumingit…
PEDRO: “Nabalitaan ko rin yan. Paborito ko pa naman sa PBB yun.”
JUAN: “Tange! Shaina Halili yun. Nakikisali hindi naman alam. FYI, Shaina Reymundo pinag-uusapan namin!”

Boy1: Lahi namin ang mahabang buhay, lolo ko namatay 88 years old na.
Boy2: Ako Lolo ko namatay 98 years old.
Boy3: Ala yan! Lolo ko sobrang tanda … PINATAY na lang namin!

 

oOo

“Hindi mo mapipilit ang isang tao na ipaglaban ka, lalo na pag sumuko na sila.”

 

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