**Courtesy of Mike
BOY: "Ikaw ba ang nagslice nung cake?"
BOY: "Kasi gusto kong matikman yang hiwa mo."
(Ahm! wag marumi isip!)
MUM: "Hurry up!! What are you doing?"
BOY: "I am coming!"
MUM: "Since when did you start to wank?"
Son asks his father, "Papa, what were those noises last night?" Quite puzzled, the father replies, "Your mom and I were making cake."
The son says, "Aha… I knew it was… l licked the ICING on your bed, the cake must be delicious!"
WIFE: "You’re extremely rude! All the time I was talking, you kept yawning!"
HUSBAND: "I was not yawning. I was trying to say something..but you didn’t let me!"
Si Lolong ang pinakamalaking buwaya sa mundo, ayon sa representatives ng Guinness.
Di pa kasi nila nakikita si Mike Arroyo!
GMA VISITED CLINTON..
CLINTON: "I did a better job lying than you; she(Monica) swallowed the evidence! Even your apology on television isnt convincing!"
GMA: "But l can do a better blow-job than Monica. l can do it without kneeling!"
Use ICE BUKO in a sentence: "Bro, kakagupit ko lang, ICE BUKO?"
Use punctuation in a sentence: “I’ll use this money punctuation.”
Use AFFECT in a sentence: “Maria is wearing AFFECT diamond ring.”
ELEPANTE: "Bakit ang dede mo nasa likod?"
CAMEL: "Napakagandang tanong mula sa isang nilalang na ang titi ay nasa mukha!"
"A lady’s dress makes no sense unless it inspires men to want to take it off." – Brad Pitt
"A middle-aged woman makes no sense unless she inspires her man with luxurious condos, cars, and trips."- Hayden Kho
A Graduation Speech:
"First, I’d like to thank Google.
Second, I’d like to thank copy and paste.
Third, I’d like to thank their creators!"
In a Pageant:
HOST: "What do you want to be after you graduate?"
CONTESTANT: "I want to be a successful Medicine."
In a pageant:
HOST: "What will you be 10 years from now?"
GIRL: "I’ll be 28."
MISIS: "Manganganak na yata ako."
MISTER: "Driver itigil mo sa Jollibee."
JUAN: "Mag Jollibee pa?"
MISTER: "Di ba FREE DELIVERY sa Jollibee?"
Ano ang sabi ng Panda sa Photographer? "Dude ayoko ng black and white ha!"
TITSER: "Class, our lesson for today is Algebra. What’s Algebra?"
ESTUDYANTE: "Ako sir! Algebra is our lesson for today."
"Life is simple. People make it difficult. Parang ganito lang… Words are simple. Jejemons make it difficult."