Tuesday Humor

** Courtesy of MIKE

PARI: "GLORIA, GLORIA, GLORIA! OMNIBUS JURISDISCUM SIGURADUM ARESTUM!" DOJ CIR. 41, Verse 1

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Loi: "Pag ako naunang namatay, ayoko "RIP" ang nakalagay sa nitso ko. Gusto ko ay "JESUS"."
ERAP: "Eh, ano ibig sabihin nun?"
Loi: "Joseph Estrada See U Soon!"

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Ang Pinaka Banal Daw Na Tao Ay Bading?
Kasi Mas Madalas Silang Lumuluhod Sa Harap ng Kanilang
SANTO PAPA.

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Sakay ng eroplano ang kapitan at mga baguhang paratroopers..
KAPITAN: "Oh, Erap, lundag na!"
ERAP: "Kap, pwede po bang magtanong bago ako lumundag?"
KAPITAN: "Ano yun?"
ERAP: "Paano po kung hindi bumuka itong parachute ko?"
KAPITAN: "Wag kang mag-alala bata, may usapan kami ng Supplier. Kapag hindi bumuka… papalitan!"

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Job Interviews of Women based on their Breasts’ Appearances:
( o ) ( o ) Full breasts (You don’t have the experience needed!)
( * ) ( * ) High nipple breasts (Very interesting resume!)
( @ ) ( @ ) Big nipple breasts (We need your talent here!)
( O ) ( O ) DD cups (Can you start tomorrow?)

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PARE1: "Pare, bakit pasa-pasa mukha mo?"
PARE2: "Umattend ako ng family day eh."
PARE1: "Ha, e di dapat masaya yon?"
PARE2: "Kaso nahuli ako…ibang pamilya yung kasama ko!"

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KASABIHAN:
"Aanhin mo ang MAGANDA at MAPUTI na shota o asawa,
kung ang kili-kili naman ay amoy DATU PUTI!"

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BOY: "Kasya pa ba ako?"
GIRL: "Saan?"
BOY: "Sa puso mo."
GIRL: "Oo naman, SAMPU kaya nito!"

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A management student hugs a girl..
GIRL: "What is this?"
BOY: "Direct marketing."
*girl slaps the boy*
BOY: "What is this?"
GIRL: "Customer feedback!"

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ANAK: "Yehey… nay, mayaman na tayo."
INAY: "Ha? bakit? Paano mo naman nasabi?"
ANAK: "E kasi po, si itay, nandito sa diyaryo picture nya…at ang nakasulat ay P500,000, dead or alive."

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BOY: "Vice, saan ka pumapasok na CR, pang babae o pang lalake?"
VICE: "Sa lalaki, kasi pag sa babae walang masilipan."

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To be Happy, you must have PENIS in your hand
<P>eace of mind
<E>nduring love
<N>ever selfish
<I>ndependence
<S>incerity
Always hold it but don’t shake it!

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Success is like masturbation..
The key is in your own hand!

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Girls, If your boyfriend wants you for your breasts, legs, thighs and ass, send him to KFC. You’re a lady not a value meal!

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A conversation of a girl and a fairy.
GIRL: "Gawin mo akong kinababaliwan ng mga lalake."
FAIRY: "O sige humanda ka gagawin kitang…ANGRY BIRD!"

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oOo

"Meron akong mahal, TANGA ang clue."

 

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