Wednesday Humor

** Courtesy of MIKE

Tinanggihan ni Manny alok ni Mayweather na..
laban sa pagandahan ng Nanay..
Ang gusto ni Manny is paGwapuhan na lang ng Tatay.

*

Pinoy Henyo:
CGMA: "tao?’
DE LIMA: "hindi.’
CGMA: "hayop?’
DE LIMA: "oo!’
CGMA: "maliit?"
DE LIMA: "oo!"
CGMA: "sa pilipinas?"
DE LIMA: "oo!"
CGMA: "pwede din sa ibang bansa?"
DE LIMA: "Hahaha! Hindi!"

*

PULIS: "Hoy bawal ang magjakol dito. may multa kang 500 pesos."
LALAKE: "Eto po 1,000 pesos. may panukli po ba kayo?"
PULIS: "Wala. magjakol ka na lang ulit."

*

May apat na magkakasamasa sa hospital pinoy nangungulangot sabay pitik tumalsik sa isang kano..
KANO: "Ew, dirt" (sabay pitik, tumama sa hapon)
HAPON: "Ew, germs" (sabay pitik tumama sa chinese)
CHINESE: "Wow champoy!"

*

No matter what boys are driving
Ferrari
Mercedes
Accord
Lamborghini
Masserati
They are not able to overtake a pretty girl’s car!

*

JUAN:"Dok, sumasakit ang kaliwang paa ko!"
DOK:"Ganyan talaga pag nagkakaedad!"
JUAN:"Pareho ang edad ng mga paa ko, ba’t di sumasakit ang kanan?"

*

TATAY:"Anak, gusto mo bang tulungan na kitang sagutin yang homework mo tulad ng dati?"
JUAN:"Wag na po tay, kaya ko na pong MALIIN ito mag-isa!"

*

Lady in a theater with husband’s boss, her cell phone rings..
Lady: "Yes, Ok, Fine, Luv you, Bye."
She turns to boss, laughs and says, "Two timer, says he’s in meeting with you."

*

When I was a child so many girls wanted to kiss me!
I allowed them
but,
Now I want to kiss so many girls
And they don’t allow me!
Selfish girls.

*

May barkada ako ng nagtext sa akin…

"dre may nakilala akong pokpok na naniningil depende sa haba ng titi mo. mahal binayad ko pero ikam makamura ka. hahaha"

kaya finorward ko sa misis nya.

*

TAMBAY: "Tsk, tsk, tsk! May Chinese na namang kinidnap!"
TINDERA: "Bakit sa palagay mo puro Chinese ang kinikidnap?"
TAMBAY: "Isipin mo na lang, kasi kung Bumbay ang kikidnapin, e di ang ransom hulugan!"

*

We know those cute little symbols called EMOTICONS where:
๐Ÿ™‚ means a smile & ๐Ÿ™ is a frown well, how about some ASSICONS?
Here goes:
(_!_) regular ass(__!__) fat ass
(!) tight ass
(_*_) a sore ass
(_!_ ) a swishy ass
(_0_) an ass that’s been around
(_ฃ_) kiss my ass
(_x_) leave my ass alone
(_zzz_) tired ass
(_E=mc2_) smart ass
(_?_) dumb ass
(_@_) almoranASS

Now.. Which one is yours?

 

oOo

”Ang babae dapat araw-araw nililigawan. Para habang buhay mong makasama. Hindi yung araw-araw mong BINOBOLA para lang… mai-kama.”

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