Friday Humor 01.06.12

**Courtesy of Mike

  • Ano kayo?

Libra – Sex addict
Virgo – Good Sex
Aries – God of Sex
Aquarius – Does it in the water
Gemini – Does it on the table
Leo – Lion in bed
Cancer: Good kisser
Pisces – Kitchen Sex
Capricorn – Passionate Lover
Taurus – Love like no other
Sagittarius – Sexy one
Scorpio – Best at sex

Usapang Mag-asawa:
BABAE: "Hon, kung magiging hayop tau anu ako?"
LALAKE: "Pusa hon…"
BABAE: "Bakit naman.. dahil parang balahibo ng pusa bulbol ko?"
LALAKI: "Hindi hon… paghinahaplos ko kasi yung pusa at ang bulbol mo parehas ng nalalagas ang buhok."

Classification of a girl:
SHRIMP: maganda katawan, pangit mukha (kasi di ba pag kumain ka ng hipon, tinatapon mo yung ulo)
LOLLIPOP: ganda mukha, pangit katawan
(kasi ulo lang pwede mo kainin.. tapos tapon stick)
ICE CREAM: total package, kakainin mo ng buong buo

Masakit na mga salita na pwedeng sabihin ng mga  babae pag naghubad ang mga lalakeng sa harapan nila:

  1. "Ahh, ang cute naman!"
  2. "Ano kaya, magyakapan na lang tayo!"
  3. "Nagkukonsulta ka na ba sa isang plastic surgeon?"
  4. "Pasayawin mo naman o.."
  5. "Wow, ang laki pa naman ng paa mo!"
  6. "Oh no.. biglang sumakit ang ulo ko!"
  7. "Giniginaw ka ba?"

3 Pinoys were on a motor bike.
A traffic cop stops them.
The three yelled, "Stay away!! We’re already three on one bike and have no space for you!"

NOON: Ang mga gwapo tinitilian.
NGAYON: Ang mga gwapo tumitili na din!

Advantages of Masturbation:
1. Self-reliance
2. Time convenience
3. Prevention of crime
4. Mental choice of lady
5. No AIDS risk
6. No special place required.
7. No cash needed
8. Easy to perform
9. No fear of early ejaculation.
10. Satisfaction guaranteed

Some Creative Quotes for women’s T-shirts:
1. Touch HERE, if you dare.
2. Weapons of mass destruction
3. Looking is FREE, touching costs
4. Now more tastier & heathier
5. Tasted by experts
6. 2 Hot 2 Handle
7. Shake well before use
8. Dangerous curves ahead.
9. My face is 9 inches above from where you stare.
10. Did you Actually look here to read

A convict is set free after completing his prison sentence..
WARDEN: "Nobody came to fetch you, don’t you have any family or relatives?"
CONVICT: "They are also locked up in various prisons."

A husband was returning home after cremating his wife.
He sees heavy lightning and thunderstorm in the sky.
He said, "She must already be there!"

There are two greatest day in our life..
The day when we were BORN
and
the day we discovered PORN.

BOY: "Eskwelahan ka ba?"
GIRL: "Why?"
BOY: "Parang ang sarap mo kasing pasukan. ARAW-ARAW!"
GIRL: "WTF! Let’s Fuck!"

Dying husband asks his wife: "Our 7th child always looked different from the other 6, did he have a different father?"
WIFE: (crying) "Yes."
HUSBAND: "Who?"
WIFE: "You."

Si SATAN na-slide sa CR. " OH MY GOD !"

 

oOo

“Walang syota. Walang problema.”