Monday Humor 01.23.12

**Courtesy of MIKE

(¯`’•.¸? ? ?¸.•’´¯)
?(¯`’•.¸ ? ¸.•’´¯)?
kiong hee huat chai! 
(_¸.•’´ ??? `’•.¸_)
?(_¸.•’´ ? `’•.¸_)? Happy Chinese New Year!! 🙂

new-year-cartoon Kiong Hee wat Chai from your Chinese friends who were:
Born during the night: – Andy Lim
Born blind: – Kenneth See
Born fat: – Bob Uy
Born tiny: – Kathy Ting
Born different: – Eva Yan
Born on sunday: – Lyn Go
Born with picture: – Lara Huan
Born with sweets: – Ken Dy
Born secretly: – Tina Go
Born maniac: – Hayden Kho
Born Normal: – Nat Ting Wong
Born abnormal: – Sam Ting Wong
Born ugly: – Edi Sia
Born mahilig: – Eh di You!

Maka survive ka pa kaya kapag Pilipino na ang Math? Halimbawa..
"Square root of X raised to the power of 10."
Sa Pilipino..
"Parisukat ugat ng ekis itaas sa kapangyarihan ng sampu!"
O di ba? Kung NOSEBLEED ka sa English, TUYO naman ang dugo mo sa Pilipino! 

GF: "You have nothing in your HEAD, then why are you putting on such beauty HAT?"
BF: "You always wear beautiful BRAs, but did I ever say anything about your lemon-sized BOOBS?"

LUCY TORRES: "Walang disenteng babae ang tumatawag sa may asawa ng 3am! Maghanap ka ng sarili mong asawa!"
VICE GANDA: "Walang disenteng babae ang tumatawag sa may asawa ng 3am. 4:30 ka tumawag!"

AMA: "Bakit bagsak grades mo?"
ANAK: "How can i pass if my teacher hates me? parang LOVE lang yan, kahit gaano ka man kaseryoso, kung ayaw sayo, hindi ka papasa!"
AMA: "Naks! Nag-emote ang bobo!"

10 UTOS SA SEX (New)
1. Bawal maginarte ang virgin, pero pwedeng umaray.
2. Walang limitasyon kung san nyo gustong gawin.
3. Walamg time out. Masamang mabitin.
4. Dapat biyaheng langit.
5. Huwag itikom ang bibig. Puwedeng umungol sa sarap.
6. Dapat higit sa 3 ang style na kaya mo (dog style, helicopter, tipaklong upong labandera, upong sekretarya, etc.)
7. Huwag magmadali. Dahan-dahan lang.
8. Huwag kalimutan kumain. Kulang ang putahe. Mahalaga ang papel ng dila.
9. Huwag tumigil hangga’t hindi nasagad.
10. Higit sa lahat, kailangan labasan.

 

Know why women are HOTTER than men?
Simple! Men have Two Zero Watt Bulbs and One 40 Watt Tube, while Women have Two 500 Watt Bulbs and One 3000 Watt Oven.

PARE1: "Sa sobrang dami ng klase ng beer sa tindahan, hindi ko malaman kung alin ang pinakamasarap. Ikaw, pare, anong beer na natikman mo yung pinakamasarap?"
PARE2: "Yung Libre!"

Sa JAPAN ay KARATE,
at sa KOREA ay TAEKWONDO,
sa PHILIPPINES may..
SAPAKAN,
BATUKAN,
SAMPALAN,
BANATAN,
SAKSAKAN,
SUNTUKAN,
SABUNUTAN,
KALMUTAN,
TADYAKAN,
SIPAAN,
BARILAN
at ang pinaka matindi sa lahat, PITIKAN 🙂

Iba ang Pinas!

Popeye was a lonely sailor..
No wonder he had such huge forearms.

WIFE: "I am not feeling good today.."
HUSBAND: "That’s too bad. I thought of taking you shopping.."
WIFE: "I was joking.."
HUSBAND: Yeah me too."

Girlfriend and Boyfriend having shower together.
SHE: "Mmmm, baby… I want you to do Bad things to me."
He put some shampoo on her eyes."

BOY: "Dad, may girlfriend na ako."
DAD: "Congrats! Pwede ko ba siya makita?"
BOY: "Sure!"
GIRL: "Dad, may boyfriend na po ako."
Dad: (loads shotgun) "Asan na?!"

A man is selling his dog. A potential buyer asked, "Is this dog faithful?"
The man replied, "There’s no doubt about it! I sold it thrice, and every time, he goes back to me."

COP: "How did you steal the horse in less than a minute and right in front of so many people?"
THIEF: "I did not take the horse, it was the horse that took me within a second."

Pag NAGMAHAL ka alang may alam
Pag NASAKTAN ka alang may pakelam
Pero subukan mong magtanan BUONG BARANGGAY ALAM.

GF: "Gaano mo ko kamahal?"
BF: (kinuha kamay ni GF at ipinasok sa loob ng brief) "Ikaw lang dahilan sa bawat pagtigas nito, eh ikaw gano mo ko kamahal?"
GF: (kinuha ung kamay ng BF sabay pasok sa loob ng panty, sabay sabing) "Sapat ng bang ikaw ang dahilan sa paglaki ng butas nyan?"

Kapag nanlalait ba insecure na agad?
Hindi ba puwedeng HONEST muna?

The Joys Of Being Male
1. Your orgasms are real. Always.
2. Your surname stays put.
3. The garage is all yours.
4. Foreplay is optional.
5. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
6. Same work.. more pay.
7. Wrinkles add character.
8. You don’t have to leave room to make emergency crotch adjustment.
9. Horny, all the time.
10. Porn movies are designed with you in mind.

Sabi sakin ng kausap kong babae sa MRT.
"Ang gentleman dapat tumatayo para may maupuan ang mga babae."
Kung ganun gentleman pala ang titi..tumatayo din para may maupuan ang babae.

 

 

oOo
”KUNG HEI FAT CHOY! May the sticky & sweet Tikoy remain a true symbol of happy & lasting friendship between peoples, making  the world a better place to live.”

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