**Courtesy of MIKE
BUNSO: "Inay! Si Kuya nagpapakamatay na! Dali!"
NANAY: "Bakit anak? Nasan ang kuya mo? Anu ginagawa?"
BUNSO: "Nakita ko sya sa kwarto, ‘nay. Tirik ang mata, tuwid ang paa, sinusuntok ang kanyang itlog!"
"My Wi-Fi suddenly stopped working
Then I realized that my neighbors haven’t paid the bills…how irresponsible"
Man to wife on a long distance driving:
"Mind nagging me a little? I’m starting to be sleepy!"
MORAL: A nagging wife has advantages.
Often times, we hear a man saying that "the dream of every woman is to find true love from the men they adore & have a good family.."
The TRUTH is, women are more complicated than that..
Their Real Dream in life is "TO EAT A LOT WITHOUT GETTING FAT!"
Holy Cow Restaurant:
Isang babae at isang lalake kumakain. Maya-maya napansin ng waiter na unti-unting dumadausdos ang babae hanggang nawala sa ilalim ng mesa.
WAITER: "Excuse me sir, bawal po yan. Pumunta sa ilalim ng mesa ang Mrs. nyo.
LALAKE (dedma): "Hindi…ayan sya papasok pa lang sa pinto ng resto."
Ang paghahanap ng trabaho ay parang pagtatalik..
Kahit anong posisyon tatanggapin, makapasok lang.
QUESTION: How does the next Bourne movie end?
ANSWER: After wiping out all his enemies on edsa, quiapo and san andres… he waits for the smoke to clear. Then surveys all the dead bodies…cocks his gun…looks strait into the camera and sez: ‘ Its more fun in the philppines !
At a math class.
TEACHER: "What is half of eight?"
STUDENT: "It depends, if we divide it horizontally, we will get 0 or if we divide it vertically, we will get 3!"
Ang pagiging malibog na tao ay nagsisimula sa letrang "N"..
Kung sa babae: Nymphomaniac
Kung sa lalake: Normal
TEACHER: "What is a skeleton?"
STUDENT: "Ma’am, a skeleton is a person who is on a diet but forgot to stop it!"
BOY: "GLOBE ka ba?"
GIRL: "Yan ka na naman! cheessy line na naman? hahaha, cge na nga! Bakit?"
BOY: "Pa-text nga!"
Woman buys a new SIM, puts it in her phone and thought of surprising her husband who is in the living room.
She goes to the kitchen and calls her husband, "Hello, Darling!"
The husband, in hush tones, replies, "Let me call you back, honey, the dumb lady is in the kitchen."
Most twisted lines on a girl’s t-shirt..
FRONT SIDE: "Shame on you guys, I am still a virgin."
REVERSE SIDE: "Stop checking me out, this my old t-shirt."
WOMAN: "I have changed my mind!"
MAN: "Thank God, But does the new one works?"
Kasabihan For Today:
Walang Pangit na FACE…
Kapag Kita ang CLEAVAGE.
"Ang tunay na babae, marunong magluto tulad ng Nanay nya. Hindi yung kasing lakas uminom tulad ng Tatay niya."