Saturday Humor 03.03.12

**Courtesy of Mike

BABAE: (umiiyak) "Huhuhu… sir na-rape po ako ng 10 lalake."
PULIS: "Namumukhaan mo ba ang mga ito?"
BABAE: "Hindi po.."
PULIS: "Saang lugar ka hinalay.."
BABAE: "Sa bakanteng lote po sa Las Pinas…"
PULIS: "Sumigaw ka ba?"
BABAE: "Opo…"
PULIS: "Ano sinigaw mo?"
BABAE: "NEXT!…"

35747390762240410_8gpSQaJX_cBOY: "Kilala mo ba yung principal nating masungit, yung mukhang tambay sa kanto at mukhang holdaper?"
GIRL: "Kilala mo ba ako?"
BOY: "Hindi, bakit?"
GIRL: "Anak niya ako!"
BOY: "Ako kilala mo ba ako?"
GIRL: "Hindi!"
BOY: "Ah mabuti naman, sige ha!" (sabay takbo)

WIFE: "It’s my bad luck that I married you, otherwise lots of smart men were interested in me."
HUSBAND: "Of course, they must be smart, that’s why they escaped from you."

Lalaki at babae aksidenteng nagbanggaan…
GIRL: "Hoy! tingnan mo nga dinadaanan moh!"
BOY: "Paano ko titingnan ang daanan ko, kung ang aking mga mata’y nakatitig sayo?"

1912: Dracula used to drink virgin girls’ blood…
2012: Now, he’s dying of hunger!

Leap Year Benefit:
Propose to your loved one today and get a leap year benefit..
Because you’ll have to buy an anniversary gift only once every four years.

PEDRO: "Pare nakalimutan mo na bang may utang ka sakin na 800?"
JUAN: "Hindi pa pare, pero bigyan mo pa ako ng konting panahon at makakalimutan ko rin yun."

Rearrange the letters to spell out an important part of the human body
which is even more useful when erect

P N E S I

People who wrote SPINE became medical professionals..
the rest are all my friends!

Life of a woman revolves around clothes..
Morning – wash clothes
Noon – dry clothes
Evening – ironing
Night – remove clothes
Dawn – searching for clothes

PACMAN: "A Negro baby boy was born in Canada. What is the color of his teeth?"
SEN MIRIAM: "Idiot! race and place of birth have nothing to do with the color of the teeth. That’s elementary!"
PACMAN: "Bobaa! Tapos ako ng elementary! For your information,
a baby is born without teeth you know!"

A farmer sLeeps naked at the farm. He was awakened by the laughter 0f the  monkey in fr0nt 0f him..
He asked the m0nkey why he is Laughing..
The m0nkey said, "This is my 1st time t0 see a banana & rambutan gr0wing t0gether!"

You can predict any woman’s future by simply touching and feeling her butt!
This knowledge is known as ASS-TROLOGY.

LALAKE: "ddoc, bbuoong bbuuhay kko uuutal aako."
DOC: "malaki kasi masyado titi mo nahila ang dila mo."
LALAKE: "aano remeedyyo ddoc?"
DOC: "palitan natin ng mas maliit na titi."
LALAKE: "ook."

(Pinalitan ng maliit na titi. Lumipas ang 1 buwan, bumalik si lalake.)

LALAKE: "Doc, gumaling ako pero gusto ako iwan ni misis, mas ok daw malaki titi ko kahit utal-utal ako."
DOC: "ttatangina mmoo wwalaanng bbaawian!"

Five Wonders of the World:
1. Two women sitting quietly
2. Wife not in fighting mood
3. Girlfriend paying bill
4. Women coming without make ups.
5. Men saying, "I LOVE ONE WOMAN ONLY."

LALAKE: "May problema ako doktora."
DOKTORA: "Ano yun?"
LALAKE: "Tuwing nakikipagsex ako, sumasakit ang bird ko."
DOKTORA: "Kung blowjob?"
LALAKE: "Sige ba, baka makatulong."

Husband & wife watching a porn..
WIFE: "Why can’t you do it as long and as hard as the guy in the movie?"
HUSBAND: "She isn’t his wife!"

EXPERT sa mga kahoy si Joe. Sinubukan sya ni Ben. Nagtapyas ng kahoy si Ben at pinaamoy kay Joe:
JOE: "Yakal"
BEN "Tama
Kumuha si Ben ng kahoy sa Garden:
JOE: "Narra"
BEN: "Tumpak!"
Kumuha naman si Ben ng kusot ng Apitong at pinaamoy.
JOE: "Apitong:
BEN: "Ang Galing!"
Dali-daling kumuha si Ben ng lumangplaka (long-playing).
Sinunog ito at pinaamoy kay Joe:
JOE: "Sa amoy pa lang . . .Victor Wood yan!"

BF: "Magmula ngayon, kalimutan mo na ang magandang buhay."
GF: "Bakit?!"
BF: "Magandang lahi ang kayang kong ibigay."

 

 

oOo

“Someday pasasalamatan mo yung ugali mong nilunok mo yung PRIDE mo."

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