Thursday Humor 03.08.12

Epektibong paraan para maningil ng utang.

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**Courtesy of Mike

Sa isang probinsya, may 2 inosenteng magkaibigan, si Nene at si Toto. Isang araw biglang  nagkaregla si Nene. Natakot siya dahil di nya  alam ang nangyayari kaya pumunta sya kay Toto.

NENE: "Toto, may nangyayari sakin."
TOTO: "Anong problema?"
NENE: "Eto o" (at pinakita ang nagdurugong pekpek)
TOTO: "Putris, tinanggal mo betlog mo?"

ACCUSED:"Judge, regalo ko sa yo, bagong kotse!"

JUDGE: "Di ako tumatanggap ng regalo!"
ACCUSED:"E di benta ko sayo ng P100!"
JUDGE:"Ok, pabili ng 2!"

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CENSUS: "Misis, ibig nyong sabihin 12 boys ang anak nyo na pare-pareho FIRST NAME? Puede ba yun?"
MRS:"Oo naman! magkakaiba naman ang APELYIDO!"

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Pangalan ni Mrs sa celfon ni Juan.
Nang Bagong Kasal: MY LIFE
After 1 Yr: MY WIFE
After 2 Yrs: HOME
After 5 Yrs: HITLER
After 10 Yrs: WRONG NUMBER

MOTHER: "What do you want in the future?"
DAUGHTER: "I want to become a mother…
do graduate studies…
get married…"
MOTHER: (angrily) "Do whatever you want… but FOLLOW PROPER sequence while doing it."

PEDRO: "I always kiss my wife before I go to the office."
JUAN: "Me too… after you leave…."

APO: "Lolo, kumain na po kayo ng spaghetti?"
LOLO: "Hindi, bakit apo?"
APO: "Bakit may sauce yang bibig nyo?"
LOLO: "Lintek na lola mong yan nireregla pala!"

BOY: "Gusto mo ng joke?"
GIRL: "Sige! gusto ko yan! Anu joke mo?"
BOY: "Ang GANDA mo!"

POLICE: "Sir, ur wife has met an accident, will you come to identify the body?"
MAN: "I’m a bit busy right now. Can you take photo and tag me on Facebook. If it’s her, I will click Like!"

Yung feeling na…
habang nagmamasturbate ka sa internet porn ay may maririnig kang boses na nagsasabing…
"Hoy, mag-eextend ka ba? Isang oras ka na!"

At a restaurant:
MAITRE D’: "Would you like a table?"
VICE GANDA: "No, not at all. We came here to eat on the floor. Carpet for 5 please!"

THE POWER OF SEX:
– it makes you so religious: oh god! oh my god! jeeesus!
– it gives you your first singing lesson: ummmm, mmmnh, oooooh!
– it makes you a natural competitor: faster, faster baby!
– some women turn into terrorists: scatter it.. destroy it, honey.. show no mercy! just tear it!
– it brings out loyalty: yeah, i love you! you’re the only one for me.. you’re the best!

BOY: "Miss, sana lupa ka at puno ako."
GIRL: "Bakit?"
BOY: "Para ibabaon ko sayo ang ugat ko."

Kapag sinabihan ka na maitim ka, ito sabihin mo:
"Ay sorry ha? Sa sobrang HOT ko kasi, pati sarili ko TOASTED na."

Isang adik kukuha ng license para pumasada, pero kailangan muna nya mag urine test kaya tinawagan nya ang kapatid na babae..
ADIK: "’Oy Loleng lagyan mo nga ng ihi itong bote!"
LOLENG: "Bakit kuya?"
ADIK: "Eh magpapa urine test ako.. yang ihi mo nalang ibibigay ko.."
(ilang minuto pagkatapos ng test tinawag si adik ng lab technician)
TECHNICIAN: "Sir sori po… lumitaw sa test POSITIVE kayo.."
ADIK: (kabado) "Kuya, pano naman naging positive?"
TECHNICIAN: "Positive po kayo.. 2 months na kayong buntis!"

 

oOo

“Hindi lahat ng nagtatanong ay CONCERN…yung iba nakiki-TSISMIS lang!”