Thursday Humor 01.24.13

MISIS: “Binigyan ako ng bulaklak ng kapitbahay nating gwapo at macho.”
MISTER: “Gago yun ah. Asawa na may asawa nililigawan.”
MISIS: “Ano naman gagawin mo?”
MISTER: “Susugurin ko iyon.”
MISIS: “Masasaktan ka lang.”
MISTER: “Wala akong pakiaalam. Masaktan na ang masaktan.”
MISIS: “Tigilan mo nga ako, takot ka nga magpatuli eh, magulpi pa!”

Men-morning-vs.-Women-morning

AGING:
When you DREAMS are no longer WET and
your FARTS are no longer DRY! :D

SON: “Dad, I’m considering a career in organized crime.”
DAD: “Government or Private Sector?”

Ang PERA ng Pilipinas hindi basta basta nauubos,
pero ang BUHOK ni P-NOY konting konti na lang!

HUSBAND: “Sabi mo lagi tayo magsasama kahit anong mangyari now baon ako sa utang iiwan mo ‘ko?”
WIFE: “Di ba promise ko till DEBT do us part.”

Lady in a sex shop looking at vibrators.
CLERK:"You may be interested in this one. It’s our most realistic model."
Lady curious, "You mean It’s shaped exactly as a man’s penis?" Clerk smiles, "No. I mean that after 15 minutes it goes soft for the rest of the night."

Pinoy confessing to American priest.
PINOY: “I have committed a grevious sin, may kulasisi ako at dalawa pa.”
PRIEST: “Wait a second. (he consulted his pilipino-english dictionary and read kulasisi is a parrot) It’s no sin to take care of your parrots, it’s enjoyable and entertaining. If you like you give me one of your kulasisi.”

SON: “Mom, mom.. please hide all of my toys.”
MOM: “Why?”
SON: “My friend Juan is coming.”
MOM: “Why? Is he a thief?”
SON: “No.. he is gonna recognize his toys.”

TAXI DRIVER: “That will be P100, miss.”
GIRL: “I got P80 only. Can you drive me back a little?”

Girl told a fortune teller, "I’ve got two boyfriends. Who’s the lucky guy?"
Astrologer replied, "The second one will marry you. The first is the lucky guy."

If your crush keeps staring at you and you can’t help but notice..
just tell her or him this:
"kalmante ka lang..
makikita mo pa ako bukas."

Three words to ruin a man’s ego..
"Is it in?"
Three words to ruin a woman’s ego…
"I don’t know."

BOY: “Kung ako sana ang naging bf mo, di kita paglalaruan.”
GIRL: “Weh?”
BOY: “Oo di ako gagawa ng bagay na ikakaselos o ikakagalit mo.”
GIRL: “Talaga?”
BOY: “Naman! magiging tapat na bf ako pasa sayo.”
GIRL: “Seryoso?”
BOY: “Seryoso talaga ako.”
GIRL: “Paano pag nabuntis ako kung sakali? pananagutan mo?”
BOY: “Ibang usapan na yan. magiging boyfriend mo lang hinihingi ko!  bad trip, makaalis na nga!”

Someone asked an old man, "You’re 80 years old but you still call your wife "Darling," "Honey," "Luv…" What’s the secret?"
Old man replied, "I forgot her name 10 years ago and I’m scared to ask her."

BANAT:
My face would look better
between your thighs.

First day sa ofis ni Juan pagka-abogado..
SECRETARY: “Sir, may bisita po kayo.”
(kinuha kaagad ni juan ang telepono, kunwari may kausap siya. naghihintay at nakikinig lang yung bisita, pagktapos)
JUAN: “Anong maipaglilingkod ko sayo?”
BISITA: “Wala sir, kakabit ko lang telepono niyo.”

** All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE.

 

oOo

“Ang PAKITANG-TAO  ay parang ni-rebond na buhok. TUWID man sa paningin, alam nating baluktot pa rin.”

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