NOON: Pag ang lalaki nakatunganga at may iniisip ang sinasabi ng mga Barkada: “Wag kang mag-alala, MAHAL ka nun.”
NGAYON: Pag ang Lalaki nakatunganga at may iniisip ang sinasabi ng mga Barkada: “Wag kang mag-alala MAGKAKARON din yun, baka na-delay lang.”
The boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn’t getting any respect.
The next day, he brought a small sign that read:
"I’m the Boss!"
He then taped it to his office door.
Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said:
"Your wife called, she wants her sign back!"
A student was heading home for the holidays. When she got to the airline counter, she presented her ticket to New York.
As she gave the agent her luggage, she made the remark, "I’d like you to send my green suitcase to Hawaii, and my red suitcase to London."
The confused agent said, "I’m sorry, we can’t do that."
"Really? I am so relieved to hear you say that because that’s exactly what you did to my luggage last year!"
Lumindol ng malakas noon…. Nagkagulo ang lahat at nag-panic.
Sumigaw ang! isang lalake.. "Katapusan na! Katapusan na!"
Sumagot ang isa pang lalake.. "Tanga, akinse pa lang!"
ARNOLD: “Pare, I need a lawyer. Do you know anyone?”
BOBONG: “What kind of lawyer do you need? A good lawyer or a great lawyer?”
ARNOLD: “What’s the difference pare?”
BOBONG: “A good lawyer knows the law very well… A great lawyer knows the judge
BOBONG: “How can you make a BANANA disappear?”
BOBONG: “Tanggalin mo ung letter "B"… ANANA!”
Sa isang interview para sa US Visa:
CONSUL: “What’s the difference between "select" and "choose"?”
FUNNY PINOY: “Select is when you pick out something from several.”
CONSUL: “What about "Choose"?”
FUNNY PINOY: “That’s we Filipinos wear on our feet!”
DOCTOR: “Open your mouth.”
LADY: “That’s so sweet. Thank you Doc!”
DOCTOR: “Why are you thanking me?”
LADY: “Because my husband always tells me to shut up!”
Tonyo’s wife just gave birth to triplets. He calls his best friend Del to tell him the good news over the phone.
The phone line isn’t clear so Del asks "Tonyo! Can you repeat that?!"
Tonyo proudly answers " Yeah I can! But I don’t think I can afford to have three more children!"
QUESTION: How are a woman and a frying pan similar?
ANSWER: You have to get them hot before you put the meat in.
GIRL: “Buntis ako! At ikaw ang ama!”
BOY: (kumanta) “Hey! I just met you, and this is crazy… erase my number and keep the baby!”
GURO: “Bakit ka natutulog sa gitna ng klase?”
STUDENT: “Ang Sweet po ng boses mo mam kaya nakakatulog ako.”
GURO: “Bakit ung iba hindi naman nakakatulog?”
STUDENT: “Eh hindi naman sila nakikinig e!”
MENU VIEW – Iyan ang itinatanong ng binata na gustong malaman kung may boyfriend na ang dalaga..
“Miss, menu view ka na?”
LIVE AGAIN – Ito yung taong marumi ang katawan at dapat nang maligo!
AMO: “Inday! bago ka lumabas i-lock muna ang pinto ha?”
INDAY: “Opo mam!”
(ilang segundo ang lumipas)
AMO: “‘Bat di ka pa umaalis?”
INDAY: “Mam nakalock po kasi ang pinto, di ba pinapa-lock niyo bago lumabas?”
Maka survive ka pa kaya kapag Pilipino na ang Math? Halimbawa..
“Square root of X raised to the power of 10.”
“Parisukat ugat ng ekis itaas sa kapangyarihan ng sampu!”
O di ba? Kung NOSEBLEED ka sa English, TUYO naman ang dugo mo sa Pilipino!
**All of the above jokes courtesy of W.
"Yung moment na enjoy na enjoy ka magtext habang nakahiga, tapos biglang nalaglag sa mukha mo yung cellphone mo."