Monday Humor 03.04.13

optical illusion

Mga Nakakatawang Yugto sa Pinoy TV Noon:

In the Mata ng Bayan portion of her show, Inday Badiday asks the usual questions to an abandoned street kid:
INDAY BADIDAY: “Kilala mo ba ako?”
STREET KID: “Opo.” 
INDAY BADIDAY: “Sino ako?” 
STREET KID: “Bakla.” 

On her new year’s eve show, Inday Badiday quizzes Madame Auring, fortune teller and walking plastic surgery disaster:
INDAY BADIDAY: “Ano ang iyong prediction kay Stella Suarez?”
MADAME AURING: “Lalo siyang sisikat sa darating na taon at malalampasan pa niya ang kasikatan ni Alma Moreno.”

The following day’s headline: Stella Suarez Commits Suicide!

NAP GUTIERREZ INTERVIEWING MANILYN REYNES IN MOVIE MAGAZINE
NAP: “Saan ka movie outfit nakakontrata?”
MANILYN: “So far, hindi ko naman pinoproblema ang mga wardrobes ko kasi
ex-deal naman eh.”

RITA GOMEZ AS A JUDGE IN A BB. PILIPINAS PAGEANT, ASKING A CANDIDATE A
QUESTION DURING THE Q AND A (CANDIDATE INCIDENTALLY IS MARIA ISABEL LOPEZ)
RITA: “Here’s your question, hija: Are you still a virgin?”
MARIA ISABEL: “If I say I still am, can I bring home the crown tonight?”
RITA: “Good answer!”
MARIA ISABEL: “What about you Ma’am, are you still a virgin?”
RITA: “Hija I have 5 children with 5 different fathers,what do you call that, Immaculate Conception?”

“Sa tingin ko ang pinaka-asset ko sa mukha ko ay ugali! Mabait kasi ako eh”

*MR. POGI CONTESTANT’S ANSWER TO THE QUESTION: ANO SA MUKHA MO ANG PINAKA-ASSET MO?

BOY ABUNDA: “O Melanie, do you have any message to your mother-in-law in case nanonood siya ngayon!”
MELANIE: “You know what Kuya Boy, I have to speak in English cause she cannot understand Tagalog. “You know what Mrs. Dee…I’ve long been wanting to tell you this… Ang labo mo!”

DESSA AFTER SINGING A SPOT NUMBER IN A REGINE VELASQUEZ CONCERT. DESSA APPARENTLY SANG A VERY VOCALLY CHALLENGING SONG AND AS EXPECTED, ENDED iT WITH A THROAT BREAKING NOTE. REGINE ENTERS.
DESSA : “O kala mo ikaw lang ang mataas ang boses.Kaya mo yun?”
REGINE : “Eh ano ngayon, maganda ka ba?”

SABRINA M. MAKES TARAY TO OSANG IN A TALK SHOW.
SABRINA M: A”t least hindi naman ako katulad ng iba diyan na retokado ang boobs.”
OSANG : “Hoy Sabrina, oo nga itong boobs ko retokado. Pero at least ang ngipin ko hindi pustiso tulad ng sa yo! Ooops huwag kang magagalit baka malaglag yan sa sahig!”

“Ladies and gentlemen let’s all welcome Miss Sheryl Cruz!” – Martin Nievera presenting Ruffa Gutierrez with this intro on Martin After Dark

“Ladies and gentlemen, take it away with Miss Jean Saburat!” – Joe Quirino presenting Jean Saburit with this intro on Seeing Stars with JQ

ANAK: “Tay, meron ba tayong kamag-anak na mahirap?”
TATAY: “Meron, pero di ko kilala.”
ANAK: “Eh kamag-anak na mayaman?”
TATAY: “Meron, pero di tayo kilala!”

“Paano mo ako matitikman kung hindi mo ako huhubaran?” – SAGING

Pano makakabuo kung hindi ako papatong sayo? – HALLOW BLOCKS

“Dilaan mo mun at lawayan para tumigas at mas madaling pumasok” – SINULID

“Bakit mo ako binibitin kung kelan kainitan at basang-basa ako?” – SINAMPAY

“Painitin mo ako..kailangan kong pumutok para ako’y matikman at ika’y masarapan” – POPCORN

Ang mga nanay kapag tungkol sa pagibig… “Ang bata bata mo pa.”

At pagdating naman sa gawaing bahay… “Ang tanda tanda mo na!”

THE0RY ..-it0 ay isang sLitang humihingi ng tawad o humihingi ng ap0l0gy- “THEORY”

Did you know that gravity is stronger in the morning?,
It is proven by the fact na ang HIRAP BUMANGON SA UMAGA!

Kapag sinabihan ka ng guard ng, “NO ID NO ENTRY”… Sabihan mo siya ng “NO STUDENT NO SALARY!"

 

** Jokes courtesy of W.

 

 

oOo

“Nakakapagod ipaglaban yung taong lagi ka nalang sinusuko.”

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