Wednesday Humor 03.06.13

epol

BOY: “Hi!” 
GIRL: “Hi din!” 
BOY: “Pwede bang magtanong?” 
GIRL: “Sure.” 
BOY: “Anong pagkakaiba ng ferrari sa matigas na bird?” 
GIRL: “Ano? 
BOY: “Wala akong ferrari.”

Hindi lahat ng sex video ay porn.
Sex ng magagandang babae at lalake = porn 
Sex ng mga pangit = horror

Man’s will was read: 
"To my beautiful wife, I’ll leave the two mansions and 500 million pesos. To my son, Esteban, I’ll leave the business and 100 million. To my sweet daughter, Amor, I’ll leave my Rolls-Royce and 100 million. To my brother in law, Samuel, who said I’d never remember him in my Will… ‘Hi Sam!’"

Ano ang mas masakit? 
Yung malaman mong may video scandal ka na binebenta sa palengke o yung malaman mong walang bumibili?

When a lady accosted a man to stop looking at her breast, he said, "Tell your tit to stop staring at my eyes…"

As MEN goes older, it is HARDER and HARDER for him to grow HARDER!

BATA: “Miss, pahaplos sa puso mo.” 
DALAGA: “Sure.” 
BATA: “Mmm… ang lambot ng puso mo.” 
DALAGA: “Gago, hindi yan ang puso ko… sa kaliwa mo haplusin, dun yung puso.” 
BATA: “Ay oo nga pala!”

A young bride tells her friend, "Paul keeps telling everyone he’s going to marry the most beautiful girl in the world." 
"What a shame! And after all the time you’ve been engaged!"

Best Threesome:
    Ako,
    Ang Unan
    at
    ang Kama

GF: “Nakakita ng 3 butil ng bigas at 35 pesos sa drawer ng BF niya.” 
GF: “Ano to?” 
BF: “Babe, magtatapat na ako sa ‘yo, sa tuwing mag sisinungaling ako sau nag lalagay ako ng 1 butil ng bigas sa drawer ko.” 
GF: “Ei, bakit me 35 pesos?” 
BF: “Noong naging isang kilo ng yung bigas binenta ko na sayang naman kasi eh!”

Fair warning during this campaign season! 
It’s useless to hold a person to anything he says while he’s in love, drunk or running for public office.

WIFE: “Last night, I dreamt of you buying me a diamond necklace!”
HUSBAND: “Tonight, dear, go to sleep and enjoy wearing it!”

Man called his doctor’s office for an appointment. "I’m sorry," said the receptionist, "we can’t fit you in for at least two weeks." 
"But I could be dead by then." 
"No problem. If your wife lets us know, we’ll cancel the appointment."

TANONG: Ano ang pagkakapareho ng babae at ng kalye? 
SAGOT: Parehong may MANHOLE!

BOY: “Tay, kung ikaw ang poste ng pamilya, ano naman si Nanay?” 
TATAY: “Siya ang nagpapatigas at nagpapatibay ng poste para makabuo ng pamilya!”

JUN: “Gusto ko ikumpisal na naka-sex ako na  halos lahat ng babae dito sa nayon.”
PARI: “Magsasabi ako ng mga pangalan; pag na-sex mo, magsabi ka ng AMEN.” 
 Nagbanggit si father ng 20 pangalan, sumagot si jun ng AMEN sa lahat. 
PARI: “Ang tindi mo! Sino kaya ang di mo pa naka-sex?” 
JUN: “Nanay ko na lang siguro.”
PARI: “Anong pangalan niya?”
JUN: “Si aling orang na magpuputo!”
PARI: “AMEN..”

** Jokes courtesy of Mike B.

 

 

oOo

“Ang PAG-IBIG ay parang buhol-buhol na sinulid. Kapag hindi na kayang ayusin, PUTULIN.”