Home And Beauty Uses For Mayonnaise

Nakaka-inez veneracion talaga kasi may pa-expire ako ngayon na isang malaking jar ng MAYONNAISE na halos 1/4 pa lang ng laman ang nagagamit ko. Grrrr!

Pero buti na lang at andiyan lang si bespren Google na tinuruan ako para maibsan ang kunsumisyon ko sa panghihinayang.

Andami pala pwedeng paggamitan ng mayonnaise bukod sa pagiging sangkap sa mga pagkain. Indeed, a mayonnaise is more than a condiment.

mayonnaise

11 HOME AND BEAUTY USES FOR MAYONNAISE

SOURCE: Reader’s Digest

1. Condition your hair.  Hold the mayo and massage it into your hair and scalp just as you would any fine conditioner! Cover your head with a shower cap, wait several minutes, and shampoo. The mayonnaise will moisturize your hair and give it a lustrous sheen.

Truleley! Ang resulta? Ang lembot nga sa buhok. Nasubukan namin gawin ‘to ng amo kong babae (na itago na lang natin sa pangalan na Keziah) netong mga nakaraang araw. Ako na mismo ang nag aplay sa buhok ng amo kong babae. Sulit, kasi mahaba ang buhok nya. Tenkyu naman kasi hindi na mapupunta sa pagka-sayang ang pa-expire kong mayonnaise. Ganito na ang gagawin namin once a week hanggang sa maubos ang laman ng garapon.

2. Give yourself a facial.  Why waste money on expensive creams when you can treat yourself to a soothing facial with whole-egg mayonnaise from your own refrigerator? Gently spread the mayonnaise over your face and leave it on for about 20 minutes. Then wipe it off and rinse with cool water. Your face will feel clean and smooth.

Sinubukan ko rin ‘to. Pagkatapos kong pahiran ang buong fez ko ng mayonnaise, kumuha ako ng dalawang pirasong sliced bread at yun ang pinangpahid sa mukha ko at presto -  may instant meryenda akels, agad-agad! Lol! Siempre charot-charot lang! Ang maniwala sa sinabi ko, walang karapatan mabuhay sa mundong ‘to.

3. Strengthen your fingernails.  To add some oomph to your fingernails, just plunge them into a bowl of mayonnaise every so often. Keep them bathed in the mayo for about 5 minutes and then wash with warm water.

Mga ateng, para maging matibay ang sandata mo sa pangkalmot kay mister pag may warla kayo, just make sawsaw of your fingernails sa mayonnaise regularly, then do the finger-licking na rin after you make sawsaw para walang sayang talaga. Joke!

4. Relieve sunburn pain.  Did someone forget to put on sunscreen? To treat dry, sunburned skin, slather mayonnaise liberally over the affected area. The mayonnaise will relieve the pain and moisturize the skin.

Now I know kung ano ang pang-remedyo ko sa susunod na magka-sunburn ulit ang amo kong lalaki (na itago rin natin sa pangalan na Kevin). Minsan kasi sa kalalaro ng frisbee ng buong araw -umuuwi ang amo ko na animo balat ng lechon sa pagkapula. Sunog ang balat!

5. Remove dead skin.  Soften and remove dead skin from elbows and feet. Rub mayonnaise over the dry, rough tissue, leave it on for 10 minutes, and wipe it away with a damp cloth.

Nag-try ako. Pero kelangan yata ang regular na application para makita at malaman kung epektib.

6. Safe way to kill head lice.  Many dermatologists now recommend using mayonnaise to kill and remove head lice from kids instead of toxic prescription drugs and over-the-counter preparations. What’s more, lice are becoming more resistant to such chemical treatments. To treat head lice with mayonnaise, massage a liberal amount of mayonnaise into the hair and scalp before bedtime. Cover with a shower cap to maximize the effect. Shampoo in the morning and then use a fine-tooth comb to remove any remaining lice and nits. To completely eradicate the infestation, repeat the treatment in 7-10 days.

Pass! Impernes, walang may kuto sa amin. Kahit ang alaga kong dog, waley na rin kuto. ** slow clap Applause

7. Make plant leaves shiny.  Professional florists use this trick to keep houseplant leaves shiny and clean. You can do the same thing at home. Just rub a little mayonnaise on the leaves with a paper towel, and they will stay bright and shiny for weeks and even months at a time.

Uy ha! Nunca ko ‘to sinubucan! Nalucring nga ako sa kaiisip nang mabasa ko ‘to. Ang tanong ko, bakit ko naman pakikintabin ang mga dahon? Aver!? Para que? Confused

8. Remove crayon marks.  Did the kids leave crayon marks on your wood furniture? Here’s a simple way to remove them that requires hardly any elbow grease: Simply rub some mayonnaise on the crayon marks and let it soak in for several minutes. Then wipe the surface clean with a damp cloth.

Attention: Para ‘to sa mga mudra na may mga makukulit na chikitings!

9. Clean piano keys.  If the keys to your piano are starting to yellow, just tickle the ivories with a little mayonnaise applied with a soft cloth. Wait a few minutes, wipe with a damp cloth, and buff. The piano keys will look like new.

Hindi ko pa ‘to nasubukan kasi hiniram yung piano namin ng kapitbahay ko kahapon. Chos!

10. Remove bumper stickers.  Time to get rid of that Nixon for President bumper sticker on your car? Instead of attacking it with a razor and risk scratching the bumper, rub some mayonnaise over the entire sticker. Let it sit for several minutes and wipe it off. The mayonnaise will dissolve the glue.

Pinagpaplanuhan ko na tuloy ang bumili ng car PARA LANG masubukan kung epektib nga ba talaga ang chika na itey.

11. Get tar off your car.  To get road tar or pine sap off your car with ease, slather some mayonnaise over the affected area, let it sit for several minutes, and wipe it away with a clean, soft rag.

Ganeeeern? Hokey, hindi lang isang car. Sige bibili na ako – not only one car but two! Smug

Good day, mortals!

 

 

oOo

"Ang babaeng di marunong magluto, kailangan makapangasawa ng lalaking di marunong kumain."

Thursday Humor 03.07.13

gago ba u

PARE1: Pare, hindi pala safe yang calendar method na yan. Nabuntis ang shota ko eh. 
PARE2: Paano ba ginawa mo? 
PARE1: Ginawa kong condom yun kalendaryo.

Mag-ingat sa mga trapo. 
Mga patabaing baboy na ugaling buwaya na nagtatago sa anyo ng mga tupa!

Tagalog Akawnting Chart of Accounts:
    Asset – Ari
    Fixed asset – Aring nakatirik
    Liquid Asset – Aring tumutulo
    Written-off Asset – Aring Pinutol
    Depreciation – Pagkalaspag ng ari
    Tangible Asset – Aring nasasalat
    Erroneous Entry – Mali ang pagpasok
    Double Entry – Dalawa ang pinasukan.
    Multiple Entry – Labas -pasok
    Correcting Entry – Itinama ang pagpasok
    Reversing Entry – Baliktad ang pasok 
    Ang halay kaya di pwedeng puro Tagalog sa mga Accounting terms! :p

NANAY: Anak, ano ba nangyayari sayo. 18 years old ka pa lang pero malala na ang almuranas mo. 
ANAK: Kasalanan mo ito inay. 
NANAY: Ako? bakit ako? 
ANAK: Conservative ka kasi! 
NANAY: Ano ang kinalaman nun? 
ANAK: Kaya sinabi ko sa boyfriend ko dapat virgin pa ako pag kinasal kami. 
NANAY: Ah kasalanan ko nga.

Men look at boobs for the same reason a little kid looks at puppies in a cage. We both want to set them free and play with them!

INTERBYU:
    KORINA: Why should people of Sarangani vote for Jinkee as Vice Govenor and your brother Rogelio for congressman?
    PACQUIAO: Mas mabuti ang bagong katulad nila sa politika, dahil wala pang sungay.
    KORINA: Paki English para sa foreign viewers natin.
    PACQUIAO: Well… you know, they are brand new, so they are not yet horny.

The Vatican has erased Benedict XVI’s Tweets… all of them.
    Doing what the Catholic Church does best… Coverup! 😀

In Japan, Guinness has named 114-year old Misao Okawa of Osaka as the world’s oldest woman. She eats everything and anything she wants. See, DIETING SHORTENS LIFE! :D 

  •  

BOY: Best, punta ka sa kasal ko huh? 
GIRL: Naku Best, very busy ako baka di ako makapunta. 
BOY: Hindi pwede yun, Best! 
GIRL: Sige try ko, eh kanino ka ba ikakasal? Wala ka namang GF? 
BOY: Kaya nga pinapapunta kita, kasi ikaw ang BRIDE ko.

Alam mo yung experience na one year pa lang kayo ng girlfriend mo at hindi pa kayo nagse-sex pero nabuntis na siya agad? 
Ano iyon Immaculate Conception?

MISIS: Sobrang baliw na talaga ng asawa ko. 
KUMARE: Ano ba nangyari? 
MISIS: Dati kasi kinakausap niya ang kamay niya habang nagjajakol pero hindi na niya ginagawa ngayon. 
KUMARE: Eh di mabuti. ibig sabio nun gumagaling na siya, tinanong mo ba kung bakit hindi na niya ginagawa? 
MISIS: Kasi may tampuhan daw sila ngayon.

MISTER: Magse-sex ba tayo mamaya? 
MISIS: Ulol! Galit ako sayo, ang laki ng kasalanan mo sakin. 
MISTER: Sorry na. sex na tayo mamaya. 
MISIS: Puro sex ang iniisip mo. Hindi ka pwedeng tumabi sakin. 
MISTER: Sori na talaga. 
MISIS: Sori mo mukha mo. Outside the kulambo ka mamaya. 
MISTER: Sige, ok lang… basta ilabas mo pekpek mo.

Kung si Juan dela Cruz may kapangyarihan, ako din meron..
    Espada ng Kalibugan,
    Itlog ng Katapangan,
    at
    Bulbol ng Katarungan!

Sa inuman..
    Girl: Mag joke ka naman kahit isa lang.
    Boy: Wala akong balak na ka-sex ka mamaya.

A shoplifter was caught red-handed stealing a watch from a jewelry store.
   "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don’t want any trouble either. How about I just buy the watch and we forget this?"
    The manager agreed and made an Invoice. The crook looked at the bill and said, "This a little more than I intended to spend. Can you show me something less expensive?"

Matandang probinsyano pumasok sa fitting room sa isang upper end boutique sa Rockwell.
    SALESLADY: Sir, do you need any assistance?
    OLD MAN: Bakit walang toilet paper dito, Miss?

** All above jokes courtesy of Mike B.

 

oOo

"Sweet words can make you smile, but efforts can make you feel special."