Saturday Humor 03.09.13

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Epekto ng Pitong Nakakamatay na Kasalanan.
    1. SELOS – nakakawala ng tiwala sa sarili
    2. INGGIT – nakakawala ng pera sa bulsa
    3. GALIT – nakakawala ng ganda sa mukha
    4. KASAKIMAN – nakakawala ng kaibigan
    5. KATAKAWAN – nakakawala ng ganda ng katawan
    6. KAYABANGAN – nakakawala ng hangin sa kapaligiran.
    7. KALIBUGAN – nakakawala ng enerhiya sa katawan:p

Hindi porket pangit ang isang lalake ay
    hindi ka na kayang mahalin at paligayaěn.
    Tandaan, kahit pangit, nakakabuntis din.

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Ang Pagmamahal,
    paisa-isa lang yan..
    Hindi yan PROMO na
    THE MORE ENTRIES YOU SENT,
    THE MORE CHANCES OF WINNING.

Gwapo na sana eh,
    kaso
    Kumembot…
    Alam na.

A monastery starts a fish and chips store. When it opened, a client comes in and asks one of the clerics, "are you the fish fryer?" "Oh no," the cleric replies, "I’m the chip monk!"

The driving instructor was giving lessons to a very nervous guy who panics whenever another car approaches on a two-lane road. One day, the guy was calmed.
    "You’re doing fine!" exclaimed the instructor.
   "Yes," the guy agreed. "Now when I see another car coming, I shut my eyes."

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SALESMAN:  “Sir, this vacuum cleaner will cut your work in half.” 
ERAP: “Good. I’ll take two of them!”

GF: “Nilolo ko mo ako!” 
BF: “Wala naman Akong ginagawang masama ah!” 
GF: “Anong wala? Nakita ko kanina sa mall, may kasama kang ibang babae, holding hands pa kayo tapos kiniss ka pa sa cheeks!” 
BF: “Shunga! Nanay ko yun!”

One evening at an investment seminar, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
    Her natural beauty took his breath away.
    "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will die & I’ll inherit $200 MILLION."
    Impressed, the woman took his business card.
    And three weeks later, she became his stepmother!!!
   

Women are so much better at financial planning than men!

   "HIKA" – Kung ang iyong anak ay may hika, painumin ng kumukulong mantika, tanggal ang hika, patay ang bata .
    "LIGALIG" – Kung ang inyong anak ay nagliligalig , hawakan sa liig at ihampas sa sahig . tanggal ang ligalig , bali ang liig .
    "UBO" – Kung ang iyong anak ay may ubo , kumuha ng tubo ihampas sa noo at ulit ulitin ng todo . tanggal ang ubo , putok ang ulo .

JUDGE: “Totoo ba ang binibintang sa iyo na pinindot mo ang suso ni Miss Sexy?”
PEDRO: “Totoo, pero alam ko karapatan ko yun.”
JUDGE: “Karapatan? Ano ibig mong sabihin? Magpaliwanag ka!”  
PEDRO: “E ano ba ang inglis sa pindot?”
JUDGE: “Press
PEDRO: “Ayun, di ba meron tayong freedom of the press?”

A man took a girl on a date.
   "Do you spit or swallow?" he asked. The girl slapped him, stormed off and took a taxi home.
    The guy remarked, "This is the first and last time that I will take a girl to a wine tasting party."

Sa isang madilim na eskinita..
    Man: miss, nakikita kong magsesex ka ngayong gabi
    Girl: paano mo naman nalaman… manghuhula ka ba?
    Man: hindi.. mas malakas lang ako sayo :p

Women say men only think with their dick. 
Ladies, don’t be afraid to blow their minds.

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** All above jokes courtesy of Mike B.

 

oOo

"Minsan ikaw mismo sa sarili mo, alam mong hindi ka kailangan ng taong pinili mong mahalin."

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