Sunday Humor 03.10.13


  Sign above a urinal:
    "If your hose is short & your pump is weak, better stand close or you’ll wet your shoes!"
    Paid ad by: VIAGRA "Keeps you going strong."

Do you know that awkward moment when your dentures fall out of your mouth when you’re talking to someone.


Ad seen at a Pet Supplies Mart:
    “Does your Pussy need some Oral care?”

If you think nobody cares if you’re alive…
    try missing a couple of loan installment payments.

"Optical Rectumitis"
    When the nerve of your ass gets tangled up with the nerve in your eye and you get a shitty outlook on life!

  It’s always darkest before the dawn.
    So if you are going to steal a neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it!

A guy recently attended a meeting of the International Singles Club in San Francisco. He met a Chinese lady who’s a dentist.
    She has perfect teeth, which started the guy thinking: All dentists from all cultures apparently have perfect teeth.
    He’s now lookin for a Gyne for his next girlfriend.

AMA: “Ang panahon talagang nagbago na…” 
ANAK: “Bakit po, ‘Tay?” 
AMA: “Noon, magnanakaw muna bago tumakbo. Ngayon, tumatakbo muna bago magnakaw.. Ingat lang, marami sila sa 2013.”

POLICE: “Please step out of the car, sir.” 
DRIVER: “I can’t, officer! I’m drunk. You get in!”

Have you wonder at Hooters’ (U.S. resto known for lady waiters with revealing outfits) job interview if they give the applicant a bra and say, "Here, fill this out."

Two Pinoy missionaries in Africa were caught by a tribe of cannibals and placed in a large cauldron with a fire under it. A few minutes later, one of the missionaries laughed uncontrollably.   The other one was furious and said, "We’re being boiled alive! What’s so funny at a time like this?"
    The other replied, "Inihian ko ang soup nila!"

WAITRESS: “Have I kept you waiting long.” 
CUSTOMER: “No, but did you know there are 3, 292 squares on the ceiling?”

    “Malalaman mo ang sugat ay gumagaling na kapag kumakati diba.
    Kaya pala kapag heartbroken ka, malalaman mo gumagaling ka na kapag kumakati ka na.”

    “Ang Malandi parang Gripo…
    Hindi titigil hangga’t di mo pinapatay!”


** All above jokes courtesy of Mike B.



“Ang Pride ng lalaki ay mas malaki pa sa universe, pero kasing rupok ng itlog.”