Posted in Daily Humor

Saturday Humor 03.16.13

water on mars

Election Sound Bites 2013
ANSABE: "Ipagpapatayo ko kayo ng farm to market roads."
HINDI MASABI: "Pwede ring farm to pocket. Mas gusto ko yon!"

ANSABE: " Lilipulin natin ang mga magnanakaw sa pamahalaan."
HINDI MASABI: "Joooooke!"

ANSABE: "Maglalaan ako ng budget sa pambili ng pesticides, abono at binhi."
HINDI MASABI: "Kung nasa Manila kayo, pag-usapan na lang natin kung paano lulusot. Basta may budget!"

NURSE: “Good Morning, Mr. Smith, you seem to be coughing much more easily this morning.”
MR. SMITH: “That’s because I’ve been practicing all night..”

BOY: “Red horse ka ba?”
GIRL: “Bakit?”
BOY: “Kasi ang lakas ng tama ko sa yo!”
GIRL: “Sira! Huwag ka nang magdahilan lasenggero ka lang talaga!”

TRIVIA:
The tongue is amazing, you can speak
and
make someone cum at the same time.

BATA: “Totoy! Di pa daw tuli tatay mo. Hahaha…”
TOTOY: “San mo naman narinig yan?”
BATA: “Dun sa kanto, pinaguusapan siya.”
TOTOY: “Sus! Naniwala ka? Tao nga naman! Wala na sila ibang ginagawa kundi pakialaman ang buhay ng iba. Ako nga, alam ko na supot si Tatay pero di ko ipinagsasabi!”

Isang araw malakas ang hangin, may isang lola na naglalakad sa kalye. May suot siyang sombrero na hawak niya sa dalawang kamay.
LALAKE: “Lola, excuse me, hinahangin po yung palda niyo.”
LOLA: “Alam ko.”
LALAKE: “Tumataas po kasi at hindi kayo nakasuot ng panty. Nakikita po ang pekpek niyo. bakit di niyo na lang hawakan ang palda mo kaysa yung sumbrero niyo?”
LOLA: “Kakabili ko lang nitong sombrero kanina. bagong-bago… yung pekpek ko, pinaglumaan na.”

LESSON: Huwag pakialamero.

A very devout woman always started her trip with a prayer, "Lord, guide my hands to steer this car. " One day she found herself in a terrifying situation with a car speeding up behind her, another coming rapidly at her on a road on the left. She didn’t know what to do and so threw her hands in the air and cried, "Lord, take the wheel!"

Women take a lot of time and effort to make sure their cleavage looks right..
It would be extremely rude not to stare!

Building Security has notified us that there have been 5 suspected terrorists working at our office. Four of the 5 have been caught: Bin Sleeping, Bin Loafing, Bin Gossiping and Bin Surfing. Security advised that they couldn’t find one fitting the description of the 5th member, Bin Working. They are confident Bin Working will be easy to spot. They thought they had caught Bin Working sitting at a desk, but it was actually Bin Surfing trying to impersonate Bin Working.

Eksena sa eroplano..
MATANDANG BABAE: “Ito ang first time ko na makasakay sa eroplano, medyo kinakabahan ako pero alam ko naman na ibababa mo ako ng ligtas di ba?”
PILOTO: “Ang masasabi ko lang ma’am eh wala pa naman ako hinatid papunta dun sa itaas!”

GIRL: “Huling huli na kita, wag kang magsinungaling!”
BOY: “Gaano mo na katagal alam?”
GIRL: “Matagal na!”
BOY: “Kasalanan mo ‘tong lahat!”
GIRL: “At bakit ako pa may kasalanan?”
Boy: “Oo naman. matagal mo na pala alam eh! hinayaan mong lokohin kita ng matagal. kung alam ko lana sana na alam mo, eh di sana matagal ko nang tinigil panloloko ko sayo! KUNSINTIDORA!”

** All above jokes courtesy of Mike B.

oOo

“Pag nasaktan, pag-ibig agad? Di ba pwedeng tumama lang yung pepe mo sa kanto ng mesa?”

 

Author:

A single mom to Kevin and Keziah. Sang's bestfriend. Young, Fresh and Delicious. Lol! Blogging since 2005.

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