Monday Humor 03.18.13

its just a joke

TRIVIA:
Ninety seven of party-list group nominees are millionaires.
The rest are getting there! :D

NEWS:

The Vatican removed Cardinal Sicola from Milan from the final list of candidates of the papacy… Apparently, they thought it wouldn’t be appropriate to address him as . . .
Pope Sicola! 

Rustom Padilla, a.k.a. BB Gandanghari is now officially a WOMAN.
She underwent a sex change procedure in Thailand.
She is now known as
"BB TANGGAL-ARI"

Pick-up Line:
"I think I left a blowjob at your house..
do you mind if i come by and get it?" :p

Congressional aspirant Annabelle Rama has not fought with anyone for almost four months now… an all-time, personal record! :*

Pagkakaiba ng salitang "ANO" sa LALAKE at BABAE.
Kapag ang BABAE nagsabi ng "ANO?!" hindi ibig sabihin, hindi ka niya narinig. Binibigyan ka lang niya ng chance baguhin ang sinabi mo.
Ang mga LALAKE pag nagsalita ng "ANO?" hindi ibig sabihin, hindi nila kayo narinig. Binibigyan lang nila ang sarili mag-isip ng tamang sagot, dahil kung hindi, lagot sila!

Man to a Woman:
"Hindi kami nahihiya na tumingin sa dibdib niyo…
gusto lang naman namin makita ang nilalaman ng puso niyo."

Pinoy Marriage – Man’s Life Cycle…
3 to 8 years old – paramihan ng toys
9 to 18 – pataasan ng grades
19 to 25 – padamihan ng shota
26 to 35 – pagandahan ng asawa
36 to 45 – palakihan ng income
46 to 55 – padamihan ng kabit
56 to 80 – padamihan ng beses tumigas an titi

The prof says to his class, "on Monday, you’re going to have a six hour exam." The class wise guy says, "six hours? what if I’m exhausted from sex?"
The prof replies, "then write with your other hand!"

A guy walks out of a bawdy house deeply thinking, "Man! Oh man! What a business! You’ve got it. You sell it.. And you still got it!"

RAPIST: “Bwahahaha. re-reypin kita wala kang takas. Wawasakin ko pekpek mo.”
BABAE: “Huhuhu.. wag po.”
RAPIST: “Okay, sorry na!”

One night Erap dreamed being killed by someone. The next day he closed his bank account.
Why?
Because the bank’s slogan was–
"WE MAKE YOUR DREAMS C0ME TRUE!"

Nag-apply si Pedro na bodyguard..
VIP: “Ang kailangan ko ay isang taong palaging may suspicious mind, highly alert, insistent personality, unusual senseof hearing w/ killer instinct. QUALIFIED ka ba?”
PEDRO: “Sir, hindi ako puede sa binanggit mo. Lahat yan ay katangian ng Mrs ko. Siya nalang po mag apply sa’yo..!”

PEDRO: “O pare bakit may dalawa kang blackeye?”
JUAN: “Nagsimba ako kanina tapos yung babae sa harap ko kinakain ng pwet niya yung palda niya. Gusto kong makatulong kaya dinukot ko yung palda niya. Sinapak ako.”
PEDRO: “Ah, teka san galing yung isa pang blackeye?”
JUAN: “Naisip ko kasi na hindi niya nagustuhan nung dinukot ko yung palda niya sinundot ko pabalik sa pwet niya.”

LESSON: Minsan napapahamak ang mga lalaki sa kagustuhan nilang makatulong sa kapwa.

Sa pag-uwi ni mister, inabutan niya ang misis sa kwarto na may katalik na ibang lalake…
MISIS: “Aba lalake, san ka galing?”
MISTER: “Sa trabaho… teka, sino yang kasamo mo?”
MISIS: “Hoy, wag mong ibahin ang usapan!”

LESSON: Sa mata ng mga babae, ang mga lalake ang palaging mali.

Atin ang Sabah!
Pati na rin
ang
Lakatan,
Latundan
at
Senyorita!

**All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE B.

 

oOo

"People come and go. But life is simply about seeing who cares enough to stay."

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