Thursday Humor 04.11.13

 

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Bago mo ibulong sa katabi mo ang paninira sa iba, siguraduìn mo munang mabango ang hininga mo, dahil kung nagkataon, para mo narin siniraan ang sarili mo.

May time na maaalala ka lang itext ng isang lalake kapag nilalaro niya ang birdy niya..
Kaya huwag kang kiligin agad!

First date = awkward
First kiss = heavenly
First love = irreplaceable
First Fuck = unforgetable

Ayaw ng mga babae ng may kahati at matigas ang ulo..
Pero gusto nila na hinahati sila ng matigas na ulo. Teka, naguluhan na ako.

Women want guys to get on one knee and ask one question..
Men want women to be on their knees and not say a word.

JUAN:"Nay, yung kalaro ko po 1-3 ang nabibilang, ako po 1-10, at A-E ang nababasa, ako po A-Z! Genius po ba ko?"
INAY:"Hindi anak, 30 anyos ka na!"

AMO:"Wow! In 1 yr, naging clerk, supervisor, manager and vice pres ka! Pagretire ko ikaw ang papalit! Ano say mo?"
VP:"Tnx!"
AMO:"Yun lang?"
VP:"Tnx Dad!"

ANTI-THEFT ATM:
US: Nakahuli ng 50 robbers in 3 hours.
SPAIN: Nakahuli ng 100 robbers in 2 hours.
PILIPINAS: Nawala ang ATM machine in 1 hour!

Never mistake for weakness the silence of a person,.
No one plans a murder out loud!

A man goes to a $10 hooker and contracts crabs from her.
When he goes back to complain, the hooker laughs and says, "What do you expect for $10… lobsters?"

WIFE: “We are having mother for dinner tonight?”
HUSBAND: “Dear, I’m a Vegetarian! How can I eat her!”

Wanna make a woman to lose her mind?
Give her a credit card
and
don’t let her go shopping.

We men are so decent that even when a woman wears a bikini where 90% of her body is exposed..
We only look at the covered parts!

Karatula sa isang sari-sari:
Pagutang – Bait
Pagsingil – Galit
Paghanap – Tago
Pagsalubong – Liko
Kaya Walang Pautang!

KIM: "Will you marry me?"
ARBIE: "Sorry, I’m a lesbian."
KIM:  "What’s a lesbian?"
ARBIE: "I have sex only with women."
KIM: "Give me a high five, I’m also a lesbian!"

Pick up Line:
Use an index finger to call someone over then say, "If I made you come with a finger, imagine what I could do with my whole hand."

When a woman asks you to guess her age, it can be like deciding which wire to cut to diffuse a bomb!

Aanhin mo ang isang gwapo kung ang gusto lang naman ay hubarin ang bra at panty mo?

My doctor said I need to watch my drinking, so now I have to drink in front of the mirror.

 

** All above jokes courtesy of MIKE B.

 

 

 

oOo

“Kaya mo naman maghintay, huwag lang yung walang kasiguraduhan.”

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