Thursday Humor 05.30.13

knees

A gorgeous Lady was knocking on her neighbour’s door wearing a mini skirt & a tank top w/ her breasts slipping out.
GUY: "What’s going on beautiful?"
LADY: "Sorry to bother u but I havent been w/ a man ever since my husband died & I am extremely horny & I just need a good hard f*ck…u busy?"
GUY: "No! of course Im not busy"
LADY: "Good, so u’ll watch my kids so I could go out then…u’re so sweet"

Sa English class
TEACHER: "Juan, what is racism?"
JUAN: "Mam, Racism is when you choose to wash your white clothes before the black ones."

DATI: "Diyos ko, Filomena, ang galing niyang magsibak ng kahoy!"
NGAYON: "Diyos ko, Filomena, ang galing niyang sumibak."

A boy farts in the classroom and his teacher gets upset and throws him out. He goes and sits outside the room laughing when the Principal walks by.
PRINCIPAL: “What are you doing sitting here laughing?”
BOY: “I farted in class and my teacher threw me out.”
PRINCIPAL: “Why, then, are you laughing?”
BOY: “Cause my dumb classmates in the room are smelling my fart while I’m here outside with this beautiful clean air!”

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Butter Cookies

Na-miss ko ang gumawa nitey.

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butter cookies-002

Matagal-tagal ko na rin hindi nagagamit ang Cookie Press ko.

Kung hindi pa ako naglinis ng kitchen cabinet ko, hindi ko na maaalala na meron pa pala ako nito. Dati ang sipag-sipag ko gamitin ‘to.

butter cookies

BASIC RECIPE FOR BUTTER COOKIES

  • 1 cup butter
  • 1 cup sugar
  • 1 ½ teaspoons vanilla
  • 2 eggs, unbeaten
  • 3 cups sifted all-purpose flour
  • ¼ teaspoon salt
  • ¼ teaspoon baking soda
  1. Cream together the butter sugar and vanilla.
  2. Add eggs and beat well.
  3. Add flour and salt and mix until blended.
  4. Press through Cookie Maker onto an ungreased cookie sheet.
  5. Bake in a hot oven (400° F) 10 to 12 minutes.

butter cookies-001

O ha! Aylabdis talaga!

Yammi!! Lalo na pag may partner na hot tea or coffee.

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oOo

      “Sa relasyon, hindi kailangan ng Pride. Nagmamahalan kayo, hindi naglalaba.”

Tuesday Humor 05.28.13

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Sa SM..ay kinausap si Juan na maganda at seksing babae.
JUAN: "Hi, miss. nawawala kasi asawa ko eh, pwede mo ba akong kausapin kahit 10 minutes lang?"
BABAE: "Bakit?"
JUAN: "Kasi tuwing may kinakausap akong seksing babae, bigla na lang sumusulpot yung asawa ko mula kung saan."

Sa mental..
May dalawang baliw, si Juan at si Pedro na dahil walang magawa ay naisipang mag-aral ulit kaya kumuha sila ng mga lumang libro at pumunta sa ilalim ng puno na kumwari ay school. Kinabukasan, nauna si Juan at umakyat sa puno. nang makita siya ni Pedro tinanong kung bakit nasa taas siya ng puno . Sagot ni Juan, "Graduate na ako ng elementary, HIGH school na ako!"

Pinakamatinding kasinungalingan sa mundo:
1. Okay lang ako.
2. Yon na yong pang-huli kong bubble gum.
3. I agree to the Terms & Conditions.

"Wow, you’re amazing!" she told a man after they made love. "With qualities like that, you must drive dozens of women crazy."
"Not at all,"
the man replied. "In fact, I’m choosy. I’m only into women I can really talk to, for example about politics, psychology, arts, science, music and classical literature.. in short, a woman has to be an intellectual to land in my bed."
She was obviously flattered, "So what impressed you most about me?"
"Your tits, of course."

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Monday Humor 05.27.13

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2 mag-textmates na gay, nagkasundong magmeet sa dilim para daw may surprise. Nag-inuman sila at pagkatapos di pa rin nila makita ang itsura ng bawat isa.
Gay1: "Thanks for the night! Saan ka nakatira?"
Gay2: "Sa Makati."
Gay1: "Talaga? Taga Makati din ako! San sa Makati?"
Gay2: "Sa Evangelista St."
Gay1: "Taga dun din ako, anong number?"
Gay2: "23, sa green na gate."
Gay1: "Ha? Uhhhhm… ISKO?"
Gay2: "Tataaay?"

Sa facebuk, nagcomplain ang girl kasi tumaba after using shampoo that gives body & volume. So, she switched to Downy.

Si Juan ay tindero ng sorbetes at naisipan niyang magbenta sa may simbahan dahil maraming bata duon. May batang lumapit.
BATA: "Kuya magkano po ice cream?"
JUAN: "Bente lang!"
BATA: "Pabili nga po isa!"
(binigyan ni juan)
BATA: "Hala bat ang unti?"
JUAN: "Ganun talaga, pakinggan mo ang bell ko."
(Tunog ng bell: untilang untilang untilang. Walang nagawa ang bata. Lumapit ang isang pari para bumili at kamukha ng sa bata, kaunti lang ang binigay ni Juan)
PARI: "Bat ang kunti?"
JUAN: "Pader, sinunod ko lang ang tunog ng bell ko. pakinggan niyo
ang tunog."
(untilang, untilang, untilang ang narinig ng pari)
PARI: (tinawag ang sakristan at sinabihan) "Patugtugin ang kampana ng simbahan!"
"Dagdagan dagdagan dagdagan" ang tunog ng bell ng simbahan kaya naubos sorbetes ni Juan.
LESSON: Huwag gahaman kung ayaw mong maisahan.

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Thursday Humor 05.23.13

rice cooker na de uling

TEACHER: "Juan, what is a period?"
JUAN: "Di ko alam sir pero nakakatakot ibig sabihin nun."
TEACHER: "Bakit nakakatakot?"
JUAN: "Kasi ser, nung sinabi ng ate ko walang siyang "period" ng 5 buwan, hinimatay mama ko, tapos inatake sa puso si papa, kaya tingin ko delikado yung "period.""

Before a woman became engaged, she was a beauty and she didn’t mind letting her boyfriend know it too.
"A lot of men are gonna be totally miserable when I marry," she told him.
"Really?" ask the boyfriend. "And just how many are you planning to marry?"

BOY: "Mommy, bakit dumedede si baby sa inyo?"
Mommy: "Masustansya ang gatas galing sa akin at nakakatulong yun para maging malusog si baby."
BOY: "Ahh! kaya pala si daddy! hahaha…"
MOMMY: Hoy! Huwag kang magsalita ng ganyan! Hindi dumedede sakin ang daddy mo ha!"
BOY: "Sayo po hindi, pero kay yaya madalas!"

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Wednesday Humor 05.22.13

bata-pa

Husband and wife watching porn and she complained, "This is so unrealistic."
He replied, "Just because you’re unwilling to try new things, doesn’t mean everyone’s frigid."
"Not that,"
she explained, "It’s just the plumbers that come to our house have tiny cocks!"  

MISIS: "Pag nagse-sex ba tayo, nagiisip ka ng iba-ibang babae?"
MISTER: "Hindi…"
MISIS: "Awww."
MISTER: "Yung ex-girlfriend ko lang."
MISIS: "Tangina."
LESSON: Wag magtanong kung ayaw mo malaman ang totoong sagot.

After a hot passionate sex, the girl snuggled up next to her boyfriend and said, "You know. You are the biggest I’ve ever had."
Apparently, "Ditto." isn’t the right response.

MOM: "Anak, ano ang gagawin mo kung may Humarang sa IYO na Lalaki sa Madilim na lugar?"
AIDA: "Ibababa KO ang PANTALON Niya at Itataas ang PALDA KO!"
MOM: "Baliw Ka na ba?"
AIDA: ‘"Di, ah!, Sino ba ang Mas Mabilis TUMAKBO, ang Lalaking NAKABABA ang PANTALON o ang BabaEng NAKATAAS ang PALDA?"

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With Adele

“If we are not happy with who we are on the inside, we wont be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either.”