Wednesday Humor 05.01.13

hehe

Pambansang pyesta ang eleksyon Puro palamuti, parada, pagtitipon. Paghahandaan ka pa nila ng pansit at lechon. Pagbinoto mo sila gutom ka pa rin buong taon!

Si Juan ay nagpasikat sa kanyang bagong kaibigan kung gaano siya kalupit sa chix nang nakakita siya ng isang nurse.
JUAN: "Hi, miss beautiful, I bet I we have met before! Don’t deny it, you have seen this handsome guy before, right?" (sabay kindat)
NURSE: "Ah oo naaalala kita, ikaw yung NAGPATULI nung nakaraang buwan diba.. musta magaling na ba?!"

Suportahan taka..
DIVORCED FATHER: "Anak, paguwi mo bigay mo sa nanay mo itong tseke at sabihin mo 18 years old ka na, huling tseke na makukuha niya for child support tapos tignan mo kung ano ang facial expression niya."
ANAK: "Mom, sabi ni dad bigay ko daw sayo itong tseke, last support niya ito sakin kasi 18 na ako. Pagkatapos tignan ko daw facial expression mo."
MOM: "Sa susunod na pagbisita mo sa kanya paki sabi salamat sa suporta niya kahit di mo siya tatay! Pagkatapos tignan mo facial expression niya!"

GIRL1: "Ano, idemanda mo si Boss ng sexual harassment dahil sinabi lang niyang mabango ang buhok mo?"
GIRL2: "Oo, talagang idedemanda ko siya."
GIRL1: "E bakit?"
GIRL2: "E kasi unano siya e. Papaano niya maamoy ang buhok sa ulo ko?"

    In a Sunday School, they were teaching how God created everything. A little boy seemed interested when told how Eve was created out of one of Adam’s ribs.
    Later in the week, his mother saw him lying in bed as if he was ill, and said, "What’s the matter, dear?"
    The little boy replied, "I have a pain in my side. I think I’m going to have a wife."

    A young girl wearing skirt is walking past a construction site when one of the workers yells out, "Hey Gorgeous! Why don’t you come over here and sit on my face?!"
    Without blinking an eye, she yells back, "Why sweetheart, is your nose bigger than your cock?!"

    The new army recruit was on guard duty at 2 am when fell drowsy and went to sleep. He awakened to find the officer of the day standing before him.

    Remembering the heavy penalty for such an offense, the man kept his head bowed for another moment and looked upward and reverently said, "A-a-a- men!"

    BABALA:
    Walang Banal na Binata
    Sa Dalagang
    Labas ang Hita!

    MISIS: "Ba’t ginabi ka na?
    MISTER: "Sensya na, nag aya mga office mates ko, nagkainuman lang.."
    MISIS: "Lasing ka no?"
    MISTER: "Hindi!"
    MISIS: "Anong hindi? eh karpintero ka lang, paano ka nagkaron ng officemates?"

    •  

    Sa ibang bansa:
    malayang makatawid ang tao sa kalsada..
    Sa Pilipinas:
    malayang makatawid ang sasakyan sa tao!

    Kasabihan Ngayon:
    Ang taong nagpupuyat sa desktop o laptop pagmadaling araw, mahilig mag porno!

    TSINELAS: "Buti ka pa sabay kayo palagi ng amo natin, sabay naliligo sinashampohan pa, sabay matulog naka aircon pa, samantalang ako nasa labas lang at kung aalis ang amo natin sabay pa kayo parati, samantalang ako hindi makasama kasi andyan si sapatos."
    ETITS: "Anong swerte? eh pag lumandi amo natin! ako ipapasok sa butas na mabaho at isa pa, hindi niya pa ako inilalabas pag hindi ako sumuka!"

     

    **All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE B.

    oOo

    "The best person in your life is the one who comes first in your mind after reading this sentence."

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