Friday Humor 05.10.13

compliment

RAM: "Doc, bakit po ganun? Pag nananaginip ako, sumasayaw ako."
DOC: "Eto gamot jan, inumin mo ito."
RAM: "Wag doc!"
DOC: "Bakit?"
RAM: "GRAND FINALS NA EH!"

Isang shoot ng TV ad starring Coco Martin. Instruction ni Direk na pagkatapos humigop ni Coco ng kapeng ineendorse niya ay kailangan niyang ngumiti at sabihin "sarap" with feelings.
DIREK: "Okay. Lights. Camera. Action!"
COCO: (higop kape) "THARAAAP!"
DIREK: "OMG! Cut!"
Ilang minuto after..
DIREK: "Okay. Eto na lang. English para sossy. Coco, you will say "delicious" after you higop-higop the kape, ha?!"
COCO: "Got it, direk!"
DIREK: "Okay. Lights. Cameraa… Action!"
COCO: (higop kape) "DELITHYOOOTH!"
DIREK: "Mahabaging Birhen! CUT!"
COCO: "Direk, pathentya na. Baka pwedeng "yummy" na lang kathi?"
At muli siyang humigop ng kape at sinabi ang maalamat na linyang… "YUMMY!"

An English prof wrote the sentence, "a woman without her man is nothing" on the whiteboard and asked his students to punctuate it properly.
All the male students wrote:
"A woman, without her man, is nothing."
The female students wrote:
"A woman: without her, man is nothing."
LESSON: Punctuation is powerful.

Saan dumadaan ang mga lalaki?
CLASSMATE1: "E di sa butas."
CLASSMATE2: "Mali ka naman eh! san dumadaan ang lalake? Sa likod o harap?"
CLASSMATE1: "Ayyy, malibog to."
CLASSMATE2: "Gaga hindi! I mean sa entrance o exit."
CLASSMATE1: "Aala. malibog to."
CLASSMATE2: "Rhan! (bading na classmate) saan dumadaan ang mga lalaki? entrance o exit?"
RHAN: "Sa entrance."
CLASSMATE2: "Ay lalake to."
CLASSMATE1: "Bakit?"
CLASSMATE2: "Kapag entrance sa babae yun. Kapag exit sa lalaki."

Sa Panahon Ngayon..
KULANGOT na lang ang HARD TO GET! 😀

Sabi ni GRACE POE: "Ipagpapatuloy ko ang sinimulan ni FPJ," so ibig sabihin…
Si Grace Poe ang susunod na PANDAY?

In the admitting office of a hospital, some patients are filling out forms, others are being interviewed and taken to their rooms. An elderly woman completed her forms and handed it to a clerk. The clerk encoded her information and then asked the woman her reason for coming to the hospital.
"I’m here to visit a friend," she said, looking at her watch. "But I’m not sure I have time now."

TITSER: "Juan magbigay ka ng isang pangungusap na nagtatapos sa letrang "O!""
JUAN: "Sisiw naman niyan mam. Kaninang umaga ako’y nakapulot ng ballpen."
TITSER: "Asan ang "O"
JUAN: "Heto "O""

"Mommy, tomorrow I have an oral exam, and one question the teacher will ask me is ‘who made you?’ What should I say?" asked a little boy.
"God made you, dear," replied his mother.
Next day, when the question came up, the little boy forgot what his mother said. So, he explained, "Teacher, until yesterday, I was sure it was my daddy who made me but then mom said it was someone else… and I can’t remember the guy’s name."

Five years after a couple were married, they received a belated wedding gift – an ice cream maker. In an attempt to cover procrastination with humor, the friend who send it wrote a note, "I wanted to make sure the marriage would last."
The wife wasn’t amused so she wrote a thank you note which she sent five years later which read, "I wanted to be sure the ice cream maker would last."

Isang lalake kumatok sa bahay ni Juan. Pinagbuksan ito ng misis niya.
LALAKE: "May pekpek ka ba?"
Misis ni Juan nagalit at binalibag ang pinto. Sumunod na araw, kumatok uli ang lalake at binuksan ulit ni misis ang pinto.
LALAKE: "May pekpek ka ba?"
Misis nagalit at muli binalibag ang pinto. Kinwento niya kay Juan ang nangyari.
JUAN: "Pagkumatok uli siya bukas pagbuksan mo, ihanda ko ang baril ko. magtatago lang ako sa likod ng pinto para makinig sa usapan niyo." Kinabukasan, kumatok uli ang lalake.
LALAKE: "May pekpek ka ba?"
MISIS: "Oo, bakit paulit-ulit yang tanong mo?"
LALAKE: "Sabihin mo sa mister mo tigilan niya ang pagkantot sa katulong ko!"

JUAN: "Pare, anung gagawin mo pag nalaman mong may anak ka sa labas?
PEDRO: "Simple lang yan pare, papapasukin ko sa loob."

DOC: "Bukod sa akin, may nauna ka ba kinunsulta sa sakit mo?"

JUAN: "Sa albularyo po!"
DOC: "Anong KALOKOHAN ipinayo sa iyo?"

JUAN: "Magpunta daw ako sa inyo!"

**All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE B.

 

oOo

“Never apologize for saying what you feel. That’s like saying sorry for being real.”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.