Tuesday Humor 05.21.13

love

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Pinagsimulan ng gulo ang pagdating ni Vin Diesel sa Maynila.
VIN DIESEL: "Ang init ditow. Buti na lang kalbo akow!"
BEMBOL ROCO: "Hoy kalbo, teritoryo ko ‘to!"
P-NOY: "Sinong kalbo?"

Tanong lang sa mga may kakambal…
Kapag nagaway ba kayo ng kakambal niyo eh nagsasabihan kayo ng "panget?"

"Pilot to Manila tower.. Pilot to Manila tower… I’m 300 miles from land… 600 feet over water and my starboard engine is on fire! please instruct!"
"Tower to pilot… Tower to pilot… Repeat after me, "Our Father, who are in heaven…"

Do you know that awkward moment when…
you met someone who is cross-eyed and you don’t know which eye to look at?

KUTO1: "Kuto2, this is Kuto1 over…"
KUTO2: "Yes, Kuto1, naririnig kita!"
KUTO1: "Kuto2 dito ako ngayon sa PUBIC HAIR ni Ma’am nagtatago OVER!"
KUTO2: "Ok received! Kuto1 dito na ko sa BIGOTE ni Sir… APPROACHING.."

GF: "Babe, bakit mo ako mahal? Ano ginusto mo sakin?"
BF: "Aah babe mahal kita kasi… hayop sa laki suso mo.. niligawan lang kita para malamas yan… at matikman kana din. ang sarap mo pala talaga!"
GF: "Ganun ba kaso lang babe, mas malaki pala etits ko sayo nung di pa ako nag pa sex change!"

"It’s a BOY!," a man shouted. "A BOY, I DON’T BELIEVE IT, IT’S A BOY!"
With tears streaming down his face…
the man swore, he’d never visit another THAI BROTHEL again!

"There’s a spider in the bedroom," screamed a wife." Get it out, Honey! Please get it out!"
"I don’t know why they turn you on so much,"
the husband said, unzipping his jeans.

What is the nicest thing about a nudist wedding?
You don’t have to ask…
You can see who the best man is!

Quote of the day:
"My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty." ~ Woody Allen

Isang grupo ng married men ang nasa seminar para mapanatili ang magandang relasyon sa asawa.
SPEAKER: "Magtaas ng kamay kung mahal niyo ang inyong misis."
*Nagtaas lahat ng kamay*
SPEAKER: "Kelan niyo huling sinabihan na mahal niyo si misis?"
*Iba-iba sagot, may di maalala, kanina, kahapon, atbp. pinalabas ng speaker ang cell nila at itext si misis ng "i lab u" at pabasa sa katabi ang sagot ni misis*
Ito ang ilan sa mga reply:
1. Sinabi ko wag kang iinom! Lasing ka na naman!
2. Malaman ko lang kung sino ka papatayin kita.
3. Magkano na naman ba ang kailangan mo?
4. Nanaginip pa yata ako.
5. Di ko maintindihan kung ano ang ibig mong sabihin.
6. May sakit ka ba? Uminom ka ng gamot!
7. Nambabae ka naman hayup ka!
8. Hu u?
9. Ay sus! Gusto mo lang maka-iskor eh!

A man phoned his doctor saying his wife appears to have appendicitis.
"That’s impossible," the physician replied. "She had an appendectomy last year. Have you ever seen anybody with a second appendix?"
"No,"
the husband said. "Have you ever seen anybody with a second wife?"

JUAN: "1+1?"

PEDRO: "5"

JUAN: "Hahahahaha!"

PEDRO: "Bakit ka tumatawa?!"

JUAN: "Kala ko di mo alam eh. ASTIG KA T0L! I’m proud of you."

During a medical check up, the physician the male patient, "Any other nagging pains?"
The patient pointed at his wife.

** All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE B.

 

oOo

“Ang love parang seating arrangement din sa classroom. Hindi mo kaylangan makipag agawan dahil may nakalaan sa ‘yo.”

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