Wednesday Humor 06.12.13

boobies

Dear Jack n Jill,
Para kayong padded bra.
Tuwing nakikita namin ang chichiryang laman ng mga lalagyan niyo,
Nadi-disappoint kami
Kung hindi niyo rin naman pupunuin, wag niyo na lang lakihan yung supot.

NOON: Humihingi ka palagi sakin ng baon kong mani.
NGAYON: Mani mo na ang hinihingi ko.

NOON: Hotdog ang baon.
NGAYON: Hotdog na ang ibinabaon!

Hugh Hefner, 87 years old, has a 27 year old wife. Silvio Berlusconi, 77 years old, has a 27 year old girlfriend. Diego Maradona, 52 years old, has a 22 year old girlfriend.
LESSON: Don’t worry that you don’t have a girlfriend or wife, yours probably isn’t born yet.

Having carried his bride across the threshold, the groom said, "Let’s have a guessing game."
The bride was eager and said, "I love guessing games."
"Good,"
he said, "I’m going to the bar, you sit here and guess what time I’ll be home!"

Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?
He Pasta away. Although we Cannoli do so much, he will forever be a Pizza history.
His wife? Cheese still not over it. Just goes to show here today, gone Tomato.
Let’s send Olive our prayers to the family.

Our generation is messed up.
We have unprotected sex, but have protective casings for our mobile phones!

Thought of the Day:
Ang mga babaeng malandi ay parang carinderia,
bukas sa lahat ng
gustong KUMAIN.

MAURA: "Ang liit pa la ng suso mo Magda kapag wala kang bra!"
MAGDA: "Mapanglait ka ‘te? Eh transplant lang naman yang suso mo!"

BOY: “Dinner naman tayo.”
GIRL: “Di pwede.”
BOY: “Bakit?  Di ba break na kayo ng bf mo?”
GIRL: “Oo nga pero fresh pa eh.”
BOY: “Tapos?”
GIRL: “Gusto mo bang panakip butas ka lang?”
BOY: “Ok lang… basta ako pipili ng butas na tatakpan ko.”

What is the difference between Guilt and Shame?
It’s guilt to sleep with someone’s wife,
but,
it’s a shame to miss such opportunity.

Dear Math,

Wag mo nang ipahanap sakin yang X mo. Move on move on din pag may time!

PARE1: "Pare hanep yung GRO na binanatan ko kagabi."
PARE2: "Ang hilig mo talaga sa GRO noh?"
PARE1: "Sarap eh."
PARE2: "Ano ba ang kayang gawin ng GRO na hindi kayang gawin ng asawa o gf?"
PARE1: "Yung hindi ka awayin."
PARE2: "May point ka diyan!"

 

 

** All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE B.

 

oOo

“Nakakaganda kapag may totoong nagmamahal sayo."