Friday Humor 06.14.13

men

Magshota na nonood ng NBA finals.
BF: "Go Spurs go!"
GF: "Let’s go Heat!"
BF: "Spurs!"
GF: "Bakit Spurs?"
BF: "Kasi na Love at SPURSight ako sayo!"
GF: "MIAMI HEAT!"
BF: "Bakit Miami?"
GF: "Kasi kahit MIAMI diyang iba, ikaw pa rin ang HEATinitibok ng puso ko."
(at dumeretso na sila sa kuwarto)

A young man telling his girlfriend:
"I don’t understand those couples that fight and a minute later change their Facebook status to ‘Single.’
I fight with my parents but you don’t see me change my status to ‘ORPHAN.’"

GURO: "Bakit di ka nagsusulat?"
JUAN: "Mam, wala po akong ballpen!"
GURO: "Na naman? Eh paano na nakakapasok na walang ballpen?"
JUAN: "Eh di sumakay ho sa jeep!"

Nothing to do and bored? Try these:
1. When cash comes out of the ATM, scream,"I won! I won!"
2. Hire two private investigators. Get them to follow each other.
3. Get into a crowed elevator and say, "I bet you’re all wondering why I gathered you here today."
4. Wear a shirt that says "LIFE." Hand out lemons on a street corner.
5. Buy a parrot. Teach the parrot to say, "Help! I’ve been turned into a parrot."
6. Have a doctor’s name plate made and change last name to Acula.

Humingal kabayo at lawit-dilang parang aso si Ernesto pagdating sa 5th floor ng klinika ng isang doktor.
ERNESTO: "Dok, ano ba ang gagawin ko para bumuti ang pakiramdam ko?"
LALAKE: "Magdiyeta ka para mabawasan ang taba mo. Tumigil ka sa paninigarilyo at paginom, tapos pumunta ka sa optiko."
ERNESTO: "Optiko? Bakit ho?"
LALAKE: "Para mabasa mo ang karatula ng pinto. Arkitekto ako eh! Yung klinika ng doktor nasa 1st floor."

A woman dropped her purse so a man quickly followed her. As he was about to tap her shoulder, she started running for a bus and boarded it. So he got on the bus too. As he walked to the back of the bus, he breathlessly told her, "You dropped your purse outside McDonald’s."
"Thank you so much," the lady said. "Where is it?"
The man replied, "I’ve just told you, outside McDonald’s."

A manager of a large company saw a new employee and asked him to come into his office.
MANAGER: "What’s your name?
EMPLOYEE: "John.
MANAGER: (scowling) "Look… I don’t know what kind of a mamby-pamby place you worked at before, but I don’t call anyone by their first name, for it breeds familiarity that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my people by their last name. Now that we got that straight, what’s your last name?"
EMPLOYEE: (sighing) "Darling. My name is John Darling."
MANAGER:" Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you…"

Isang lalake nangumpisal.
LALAKE: "Pader, patawarin po niyo ako sa aking mga kasalanan."
PARI: "Sige, hijo, sabihin ang mga kasalanan mo."
LALAKE: "Lahat po ng babae sa parokya natin nakasiping ko."
PARI: Sige sabihin mo sakin kung sino-sino sila."
LALAKE: Nakakahiya po pader."
PARI: Sige ako magsasabi ng mga pangalan nila at ikaw na lang ang tumugon!"
LALAKE: "Ok po."
PARI: "Jennelyn?"
LALAKE: "Ehem!"
PARI: "Joyce?"
LALAKE: Ehem!"
PARI: "Sarah, ara, shaina, cristine, kat, rosalie?"
LALAKE: "Ehem!"
PARI: "Marami pala, bueno pinapatawad na kita. sino ang mga kapiling mo sa buhay?"
LALAKE: "Ang balo kong ina."
PARI: "Ano pangalan niya?"
LALAKE: "Maria po!"
PARI: "Ehem!!!"

A husband got into a bus with his pregnant wife. A man at the front refused to give up his seat for her. "Friend, give the lady a seat, she’s pregnant," the husband said.
The seated man gave him a blank stare so he grabbed his arms and dragged him out of it.
His wife shouted in anger, "Don’t be a daft, honey, and put the poor man back in his wheelchair!!"

A Drinker’s Plaint:
"I drink to drown my problems…
unfortunately,
problems are damn good swimmers!!!"

 

**All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE

 

oOo

“Sa panahon ngayon, mas tumatagal pa ang UTANG kaysa RELASYON.”