Monday Humor 06.24.13


BUMIBILI: "Magkano 1 kilong saging?"
TINDERO: "20 lang."
BUMIBILI: "Ang mahal naman."
TINDERO: "May alam akong mura."
TINDERO: "T%@#§*& mo!"

”I found this old picture of my great grand dad. He looks so cool and mysterious.”

”I just downloaded an archieve of my great grand dad’s Facebook updates. Evidently he hated Mondays and loved telling people when he was bored.”

BF: "Ang hirap kumita ng pera ngayon no?"
GF: "Di ba sabi ng pamahalaan tumataas ang ekonomiya?"
BF: "Ewan ko ba kaya eto tipid tayo."
GF: "Tantiya ko nga itong order natin sa halip na tapsilog eh tapsi na lang, walang itlog."
BF: "Pasensya na, wala na akong pera eh."
GF: "Ok lang pasalat na lang sa itlog para tapsilog na rin!"
BF: "Ako rin!"
GF: "Anong ako rin?"
BF: "Silog lang ito eh, pasalat ng tilapia para tilapsilog na rin!"

Question for the day:
Why are there more Mother Day greeting cards than Father Day cards?
Answer: Everybody knows who their Mother is!

Panliligaw ngayon.
BOY: "May boyfriend ka na ba?"
GIRL: "Wala at ayoko ko."
BOY: "Gen. 2:18. God said, "it’s not good for man to be alone, I will make a helper suitable for him."
GIRL: "But I don’t love you."
BOY: 1 John 4:8 "Who does not love does not know God."
GIRL: "How do I know you’re honest?"
BOY: "Mark 13:31. "Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away."
GIRL: "But why me? Andami namang iba."
BOY: "Proverbs 31:29 "Many women do noble things but you surpass them all."
GIRL: "What is in me that you like?"
BOY: "Song of Solomon 4:7 "You are altogether beautiful, there is no flaw in you."
GIRL: "Ano ba gusto mo mangyari?"
BOY: 2 Corinthians 2:4 "For I wrote you out of great distress and anguish of heart.. to let you know the depth of my love for you."

Yung feeling na nung bata ka,
akala mo ginu-glue ng tatay mo yung mga porn magazine. :p

Some Pregnancy Q and A:
QUESTION: My wife is 5 months pregnant and moody that sometimes she’s irrational.
ANSWER: So what’s your question?

QUESTION: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
ANSWER: Yes, pregnancy.

QUESTION: Why should I be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
ANSWER: Does the word "alimony" means anything to you?

QUESTION: Do I have to have a baby shower?
ANSWER: Not if you change the baby’s diaper very quickly.

QUESTION: Should I have a baby after 40?
ANSWER: No, 40 is enough.

A couple watching a movie.
WOMAN: "Why don’t they ever make a movie about what happens after the big kiss?"
MAN: "They do. It’s called porn."

TEKLA: "Maganda ba ko?"
JUAN: "Dapat nasa TV ka!"
TEKLA: "Ganun ba ko kaganda?"
JUAN: "Hindi! Pag nasa TV ka, pwede kong i-off ung TV para di ka makita!"

"Part of me says I need to stop drinking this much.
The other part says,
‘don’t listen to that guy, he’s drunk.’"

JUAN: "Pautang naman!"
PEDRO: "Pauutangin kita pag bnayaran mo na ung una mong hiniram."
JUAN: "Wag na lang, di ko kayang maghintay ng ganun katagal!"


** All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE B.


“Hindi dapat panghinayangan ang taong walang kwenta.”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.