Monday Humor 06.24.13

curfew

BUMIBILI: "Magkano 1 kilong saging?"
TINDERO: "20 lang."
BUMIBILI: "Ang mahal naman."
TINDERO: "May alam akong mura."
BUMIBILI: "Ano?"
TINDERO: "T%@#§*& mo!"

HOW WE REMEMBER OUR ANCESTORS:
”I found this old picture of my great grand dad. He looks so cool and mysterious.”

HOW FUTURE GENERATIONS WILL REMEMBER US:
”I just downloaded an archieve of my great grand dad’s Facebook updates. Evidently he hated Mondays and loved telling people when he was bored.”

BF: "Ang hirap kumita ng pera ngayon no?"
GF: "Di ba sabi ng pamahalaan tumataas ang ekonomiya?"
BF: "Ewan ko ba kaya eto tipid tayo."
GF: "Tantiya ko nga itong order natin sa halip na tapsilog eh tapsi na lang, walang itlog."
BF: "Pasensya na, wala na akong pera eh."
GF: "Ok lang pasalat na lang sa itlog para tapsilog na rin!"
BF: "Ako rin!"
GF: "Anong ako rin?"
BF: "Silog lang ito eh, pasalat ng tilapia para tilapsilog na rin!"

Question for the day:
Why are there more Mother Day greeting cards than Father Day cards?
Answer: Everybody knows who their Mother is!

Panliligaw ngayon.
BOY: "May boyfriend ka na ba?"
GIRL: "Wala at ayoko ko."
BOY: "Gen. 2:18. God said, "it’s not good for man to be alone, I will make a helper suitable for him."
GIRL: "But I don’t love you."
BOY: 1 John 4:8 "Who does not love does not know God."
GIRL: "How do I know you’re honest?"
BOY: "Mark 13:31. "Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away."
GIRL: "But why me? Andami namang iba."
BOY: "Proverbs 31:29 "Many women do noble things but you surpass them all."
GIRL: "What is in me that you like?"
BOY: "Song of Solomon 4:7 "You are altogether beautiful, there is no flaw in you."
GIRL: "Ano ba gusto mo mangyari?"
BOY: 2 Corinthians 2:4 "For I wrote you out of great distress and anguish of heart.. to let you know the depth of my love for you."
GIRL: "OK, SINASAGOT NA KITA!"

Yung feeling na nung bata ka,
akala mo ginu-glue ng tatay mo yung mga porn magazine. :p

Some Pregnancy Q and A:
QUESTION: My wife is 5 months pregnant and moody that sometimes she’s irrational.
ANSWER: So what’s your question?

QUESTION: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
ANSWER: Yes, pregnancy.

QUESTION: Why should I be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
ANSWER: Does the word "alimony" means anything to you?

QUESTION: Do I have to have a baby shower?
ANSWER: Not if you change the baby’s diaper very quickly.

QUESTION: Should I have a baby after 40?
ANSWER: No, 40 is enough.

A couple watching a movie.
WOMAN: "Why don’t they ever make a movie about what happens after the big kiss?"
MAN: "They do. It’s called porn."

TEKLA: "Maganda ba ko?"
JUAN: "Dapat nasa TV ka!"
TEKLA: "Ganun ba ko kaganda?"
JUAN: "Hindi! Pag nasa TV ka, pwede kong i-off ung TV para di ka makita!"

A DRUNK’S SOLILOQUY:
"Part of me says I need to stop drinking this much.
The other part says,
‘don’t listen to that guy, he’s drunk.’"

JUAN: "Pautang naman!"
PEDRO: "Pauutangin kita pag bnayaran mo na ung una mong hiniram."
JUAN: "Wag na lang, di ko kayang maghintay ng ganun katagal!"

 

** All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE B.

oOo

“Hindi dapat panghinayangan ang taong walang kwenta.”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.