Nakahiga na ang mag-asawa nang biglang tumayo si mister.
MISIS: "Mahal, bakit ka tumayo?"
MISTER: "Bwisit! hindi ako makatulog! ang ingay ng mag nagiinuman sa labas!"
MISIS: "Oo nga eh. gabing-gabi na hindi pa magsiuwi nalang! nakakaistorbo!"
MISTER: "Yun na nga mahal eh, hindi ako makatulog! NAIINGGIT AKO!"
Doctor to a female patient:
"Your lungs, pulse, BP are normal. Now let me see that little thing which gets you ladies into all kinds trouble..
No! No! No! I didn’t ask you to lift your skirt…
Just show me your tongue…"
MAN: "You know, our son got his brain from me."
WIFE: "I think he did, I still got mine with me."
Complicated Facts about Women:
They believe in saving.
Believe in saving but buy expensive clothes.
Buy expensive dresses but complain of nothing to wear.
Always dressed well but never satisfied.
Never satisfied but still expect men to compliment them.
Men compliment them but don’t believe them.
Sa Cubao bus terminal ng Super Lines:
PASAHERO: "Kaya pala ang bus niyo walang dumi…"
PASAHERO: "Basahin mo pangalang ng bus niyo "SUPER LINES!"
Getting blocked by your GF/BF on Facebook
My ITR was sent back to me because in response to the question, "Number of dependents," I replied, "70% of population who don’t pay taxes, several thousand of illegal immigrants and above all about 400 idiots in Congress and the Senate."
They said this was not an acceptable answer.
I’m still wondering… Who did I miss out?
Mga nagbabagang balita naging Uling na rin!
Isang sementeryo nasunog lahat Patay!
Roro lumubog hindi natiis Lumutang!
Bata tumalon sa sapa natagpuang Basa!
Bagyong papalapit sa Pilipinas di nakarating dahil Masama ang panahon.
Desperation is when you’re in a taxi.
Your wife texts you, "sex tonight?"
You type "yes" then a thief snatches your phone and instead of shouting for "HELP!" you shout,
"press SEND..! Take the phone but please press SEND!"
May mga babaeng gustong iparamdam sa mga lalaki kung ano pakiramdam ng nireregla.
Kaya, palilibugin ka tapos iwanan kang nakanganga.
Sakit sa puson diba?
A princess meets a talking frog and says, "If I kiss you, will you turn into a handsome prince?"
The frog replies, "That was in my grandfather’s time. I need a blowjob, babe."
Thought of the day:
Hindi lahat ng lalake sa mukha ng babae nakatingin..
Yung iba sa suso!
DONYA MARY: "Son, why are you trying to swallow a clock?"
ERAP: "My teacher said I should watch my mouth."
HAPPY NO PANTY DAY!
Makisama po kayo mga ladies. Para din po ito sa ikakabuti ng ating daigdig at nang mahanap na ni Goku ang pitong dragon balls. Hayaan niyong mag-amoy dagat at mag-amoy isda ang paligid kung para naman ito sa kaligtasan nating lahat. Ladies, please cooperate. Salamat!!
** All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE
“In my life, I’ve lived, I’ve loved, I’ve lost, I’ve missed, I’ve hurt, I’ve trusted, I’ve made mistakes, but most of all, I’ve learned.”