Friday Humor 06.28.13

robert

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SMILE… and the world smiles with you.
LAUGH… and the world laughs with you.
But, FART…
and you’re on your own.

Dalawang doktor nakulong sa Munti.
Doc1: "Doctor ka rin pala, ba’t ka nakulong?"
Doc2: "May nareseta akong maling gamot na sanhi ng pagkamatay ng pasyente ko. Eh ikaw ano naman kaso mo?"
Doc1: "Nahuli akong nakikipagsex sa pasyente ko."
Doc2: "Ano naman ang masama dun?"
Doc1: "Vet ako."

Saan kayo dito?
Photogenic -gwapo/maganda sa picture..
Telegenic – gwapo/maganda sa video..
Autogenic – gwapo/maganda dahil may auto
Layogenic – gwapo/maganda kapag malayo
Talikogenic – gwapo/maganda pag nakatalikod0
Peragenic -gwapo/maganda maganda dahil rich
Akogenic – gwapo/maganda sa personal

A boy had hurt his finger while working on his model airplane. He ran to his mom who kissed it and made it better. On the way to a store, he fell off his bike and scraped his knee. He ran to his mom who kissed it and made it better.
Returning from the store, the boy ran into the town bully who kicked him in the nuts. He ran home. His mom said, "Son, you’re getting more like your father each day!"

Sign seen on a public transportation in Orlando, Florida:
"When you exit this vehicle, please be sure to lower your head and watch your step.
If you fail to do so, please lower your voice and watch your language. Thank you."

A guy went to a psychiatrist. The doctor told him he had a split personality and charged him 500 bucks.
The patient paid him 250 and told him to get the rest from the other guy.

Drive Carefully!
90% of the people are caused by accident.

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What are you?
JANUARY: Best kissers
FEBRUARY: Lovers
MARCH: Freaks
APRIL: Love sex
MAY: Porn star sex
JUNE: Talented ones
JULY: Best sex ever
AUGUST: Dancers
SEPTEMBER: Falls in love easily
OCTOBER: All of these
NOVEMBER: Undercover freaks
DECEMBER: Good lips and Good sex

How Honesty Screws You?
SHE: "What is the best in me?"
HE: "Eyes."
SHE: "Liar, tell the truth!"
HE: "OK! Boobs."
SHE: "Bastard, you never loved me!"

QUOTE OF THE DAY
"Some girls should be banned from wearing yoga pants. I just saw a camel toe that looked like a queen sized mattress folded in half."

A woman dates a doctor regularly and soon becomes pregnant and they don’t know what to do. Just as she was to give birth, a priest was confined for a prostate problem.
DOC: "I know what to do. After I’ve operated on the priest, I’ll give him the baby and tell him it was a miracle."
WOMAN: "Well, it’s worth a try."
After the baby’s delivery and priest’s operation..
DOCTOR: "Father, you’re not going to believe this."
PRIEST: "What? What happened."
DOCTOR: "You gave birth to a child."
PRIEST: "But that’s impossible!"
DOCTOR: "I did the operation. It’s a miracle!"
15 years later, the priest realizes he must tell the child the truth.
PRIEST: "Son, I’m not your father."
SON: "What do you mean, you’re not my dad?"
PRIEST: "I’m your mother. The bishop is your father."

Thought of the day:
Sa sobrang pagkagusto mo na mahanap ang true love mo,
lumuwang na puday mo.

 

** All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE.

 

oOo

“I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays and half of Friday.”

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