Saturday Humor 06.29.13

smart

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Nakaupong dalaga kumakanta sa park.   
LALAKE: "Ahh, miss, excuse me. Sa Pilipinas Got Talent ka kaya kumanta."
DALAGA: "Talaga? Ganun na ba ako kagaling?"
LALAKE: "Hindi, at least sa PGT, pwede kong patayin ang telebisyon!"

PHONE 5
GIRL1: "Uy sis! Pwede pa text?"
GIRL2: "Sure sis!"
GIRL1: "Naks! Taray naka Iphone 5 ka!"
GIRL2: "Syempre umuunlad eh."
GIRL1: "Sis, tapos na, saan ko isesend? Sa SIM 1 o SIM 2?"

A woman found a magic lamp and when she rubbed it, a genie came out asking what are her wishes. She replied:
"I want my husband to have eyes only for me.
I mant to be the only one in his life.
I want him to sleep always by my side.
I want that when he gets up in the morning, I’m the first thing he grabs and takes me everywhere he goes."
The genie turned her into a Smart Phone!

Woman’s Logic
"I’m gonna wear this shirt that shows 3/4 of my boobs. Then I’m gonna call you a pervert for looking."

Wrestling is obviously fake.
Why would two people fight over a belt when neither of them are wearing pants?

Magshota ginamit ang word na "hamburger" na code para di malaman ng parents nila na nagsesex sila.
GF: "Ma, punta lang ako kay BF, kakain kami ng hamburger."
MAMA: "Sige, anak, ingat."
Paguwi ni GF..
GF: "Ma, ang sarap talaga ng hamburger."
MAMA: "Napansin ko nga, anak. May Mayonnaise ka pa sa labi."

WIFE: "Just now when I was walking up those stairs a fly flew in my mouth and I ate it."
HUSBAND: "Well, honey, in many cultures, insects are actually dietary staples and are pure protein."

A man consults a shrink.
MAN: "Doctor, every night my wife goes to a pub and sleeps with anyone who proposes to her…"
SHRINK: "Relax, take a deep breath, calm down and now tell me..
WHICH PUB?"

Thought for the monsoon season:
Avoid meeting your girlfriend during monsoon, or you risk making her…
"Mom-Soon"

Life is all about Ups and Downs..
Up with the Bra,
and
Down with the Briefs..

Sabi ng taxi driver pagkatapos "maholdap" ng pokpok..
"Di bale nang nalimas, basta nakalamas."

 

** All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE.

 

oOo

“Minsan kailangan mong matutong bumitaw. Mas okay maging malungkot ng panandalian kaysa naman magmukha kang tanga pangmatagalan.”

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