Tuesday Humor 07.16.13

dirty-humor-funny-14

  •  

DUAL SIM:
Yan ang cellphone ng mga babaerong boyfriend at malalanding girlfriend.

  •  

A man cheats on his girlfriend named Lorraine with a girl named Clearly. Suddenly, Lorraine died. At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, “I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone.”

  •  

A week before his wedding, a guy sowed the last of his wild oats with all the girls he dated. At the end, his dick was literally twisted. He begged his doctor to help him but the best the doc could do was tape the worn part between four thin slats creating a splint.
On his honeymoon, his bride spreads her legs and said, “Honey, look, never been touched by a man.”
The man undid his pants and replied, “Look, honey, still in its original crate!”

  •  

Hindi ka naman fishball
pero bakit ang hilig mo magpatuhog
at magpasawsaw?

  •  

A wife asked her husband to go out and get her something that makes her look sexy and beautiful..
The husband came back drunk.

  •  

Kapag bored at mag-isa mga unang naiisip gawin ng babae:

  1. makipagtsimisan sa kaibigan 
  2. magbasa ng romantic novel 
  3. magshopping sa mall 
  4. manood ng teleserye sa tv
  5. tapusin ang mga gawaing bahay

Mga unang naiisip gawin ng lalake:

  1. magjakol 
  •  

Women are never wrong..
Just sometimes
confused
childish
stubborn
senseless
emotional
crazy
unchangeable
but NEVER WRONG.

  •  

A couple were expecting their first child any time. The father is confident it would be a boy. As fate would have it he was given a temporary assignment to a provincial city. In order to avoid giving a party to his officemates for the birth of his child, he asks his father to send him a telegram that will read, “the clock has arrived,” and he will understand that a son is born.
D-day came and his wife gave birth to a girl. Being an ingenious person, the husband’s father sent a telegram that reads, “the clock has arrived with the pendulum missing.”

  •  

WOMAN: “When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.”
MAN: “That’s very kind of you, dear, but I don’t have any worries or troubles.”
WOMAN: “Well that’s because we’re not married yet.”

  •  

Selosong mister tumawag kay misis.
MR.: “Asan ka ngayon?”
MRS: “Nasa bahay..”
MR: “I-On mo nga ang blender!”
(mrs pinaandar ang blender)
MR: “Okay, akala ko umalis ka.”
(maya-maya tumawag na naman si mister)
MR: Asan ka?”
MRS: “Nasa bahay nga..”
MR: “I-On mo ang blender!”
(misis pinaandar ang blender)
MR: “Ganyan dapat para walang duda!”
(umuwi bigla si mister at nakita ang anak sa labas)
MR: “Asan mama mo?”
ANAK: “Umalis po  at may dala-dalang BLENDER!”

  •  

In ancient Greece,
Throwing an apple at a woman was considered a MARRIAGE PROPOSAL.
Now, Greek men still throw an apple…
An Iphone 5!

  •  

Observation:
A man can talk on any subject for an hour.. That is Talent!
A woman can give a lecture for hours without any subject.

  •  

Ang panliligaw ay parang paglalaro ng videogame.
Kelangan mong malaman kung pano mo mapagtatagumpayan ang mga challenges para makarating sa next level.
Kaya kung panget ka, isipin mo nalang naka hard mode ka!

  •  

Sex is not all men think about..
They also think about women being naked. :p

  •  

**All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE B.

 

 oOo

“Sometimes, the simplest things mean the most.”

Related Posts with Thumbnails

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

CommentLuv badge