Tuesday Humor 07.23.13

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Ang SONA ni P-Noy ay parang konsert ni Daniel Padilla..
Konting salita, palakpak.
Umubo lang, palakpakan na naman.

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Ang panliligaw ay parang paglalaro ng videogame.
Kelangan mong malaman kung pano mo mapagtatagumpayan ang mga challenges para makarating sa next level.
Kaya kung panget ka, isipin mo nalang naka hard mode ka!

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Observation:
A man can talk on any subject for an hour.. That is Talent!
A woman can give a lecture for hours without any subject.

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Nakita ng isang lola ang tanim na marijuana ng apo:
LOLA: “Walanghiya kang bata ka… hindi ako papayag na magka apong drug adik.”
APO: “Lola, ang marijuana ay hindi drug, ang marijuana ay isang halaman… kaya hindi ako drug adik… hardinero lang ako.”

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Teacher asks her class, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
Li’l Johnny: “I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch, give her Ferraris and Maseratis, a mansion in London and Paris, travels throughout the world…”
The shocked teacher decides not to give no notice to what he said and continues the lesson, “And you, Tonya?”
“I wanna be Li’l Johnny’s bitch!”

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Two girls chatting.
GIRL1: “Yesterday, my bf and I dated. I knew it was the big night.”
GIRL2: “Wow! What happened?”
GIRL1: “He took me to his flat. He kissed me, grabbed me from behind…”
GIRL2: “Then what?”
GIRL1: “He put his hand inside my skirt.”
GIRL2: “What next?”
GIRL1: “He then unbuttoned my new red top.”
GIRL2: “You got a new top?”
GIRL1: “Yes it was on sale, I even bought a jeans..”
GIRL2: “Is the sale ongoing?”
GIRL1: “Yes, come let’s go shopping!”

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Isang babae na may dalang sanggol ang lumapit sa tindero ng baboy at manok.
BABAE: “Ikaw ang ama nitong dinadala kong sanggol.”
TINDERO: “May asawa’t anak ako, ok lang ba sustentuhan na lang kita ng manot at baboy hanggang maging 21 taong gulang siya?”
BABAE: “Ok.”
Nagbinata ang anak ng babae at nang mag 21 siya pumunta siya sa palengke para kunin ang huling sustento niya.”
TINDERO: “Anak, dahil 21 ka na, ito na huling baboy at manok na ibibigay ko nang libre. Sabihin mo sa nanay mo ito at tingnan mo ang reaksyon niya.
Sinabi ng anak sa nanay niya ang pinapasabi ng tatay niya.”
BABAE: “Anak, magpasalamat ka sa kanya at sabihin mo di lang baboy at manok ang natatanggap natin sa nakalipas na 21 taon, meron ding bigas, groceries, tubig, damit at cellphones, tapos tingnan mo ang reaksyon niya.”

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QUESTION: Why do women love shoes?
ANSWER: Because no matter how much and whatever they eat, the shoes always fit.

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BOY: “Babe, itaas mo ang kili-kili mo.”
GIRL: (Tinaas ang kili-kili)
BOY: “Alam mo ganyan KADILIM ang buhay ko kung wala ka!”

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**All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE B.

 

oOo

“PAASA – Ito ang tawag sa mga taong sinasabihan kang mahal ka nila, kahit hindi naman talaga.”

 

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