Thursday Humor 08.29.13

BSkx-r3CUAAl-0p*

MADRE: “Father, basbasan niyo po ako at ako’y nagkasala. Kasi po limang taon ng akong di nagpa-panty sa loob ng aking abito.”
PARI: “Bilang penance sister, magdasal ka ng limang Our Father, 5 Hail Mary, at magtumbling ka ng 5 beses palabas ng simbahan.”

*

Dearest BOYS,
Kung magsosyota, isa isa lang, dahil hindi naman ito raffle promo na the more entries you have the more chances of winning.

Dear GIRLS,
Kung magsosyota, isa isa lang dahil hindi ka kape na 3 in 1.

Dear GAYS,
Kung magsosyota , isa isa lang dahil hindi naman ito eat all u can.

*

MARY: “So I asked my last ex, “Why don’t you ever call out my name when making love?””
JILL: “And did he say to that?”
MARY: “He said, “I’m not fantasizing about YOU!””

*

Si Boy umuwing lasing, sumakay ng jeep.
BOY: “Mamang driver, eto bayad ko..”
DRIVER: “Saan galing…”
(paunti-unting lumapit ito papuntang driver at saka bumulong)
BOY: “Ssshhh.. sa sauna.”

*

Man was abroad when his wife delivered a boy. He phone his wife, “How is the kid doing, darling?”
WIFE: “Same like you.”
MAN: “The same complexion?”
WIFE: “No.”
MAN: “The same eyes?”
WIFE:” No.”
MAN: “Then what is it?”
WIFE: “He didn’t take his hands off my breasts.. ”

*

DOCTOR: “You are so hot.”
GIRL: (smiling)” Aaawww! Thaaanks!”
Doctor: “I’m talking about your body temperature!”

*

Hindi mo obligasyon hubadin ang damit mo para lang mapatunayan mong mahal mo talaga BF mo..
Maniwala ka, gusto lang makaiskor niyan sapagkat kung talagang mahal ka niya PUSO ang dadamhin niyan hindi yung BOOBS. :*

*

TRIVIA MUNA TAYO!
Alam mo bang kapag single ka..
Wala kang syota!

*

When a woman called 911 complaining of difficult breathing, a paramedic rushed to her house. One placed a sensor on her finger to measure her pulse and blood oxygen level. Then he began to gather her information.
“What’s your age?” he asked.
“58,” answered the patient, eyeing the device on her finger. “What does that do?”
“It’s a lie detector,” said the paramedic with a straight face. “Now, what did you say your age was?”
“Sixty eight,” replied the woman sheepishly.

*

Points to Ponder:
Ang buhay parang sex..
Mahirap pero masarap..
Masakit pero masaya..
Kaya kung marunong kang makipagsex..
Marunong ka sa buhay..
Life is a bitch!
So learn how to fuck.

*

LALAKE1: “Dati ang ganda-ganda ng buhay ko. Ang dami kong pera sa bangko, marami akong bahay na maganda at magagarang kotse, pero sa isang iglap lang bigla na lang nawala lahat.”
LALAKE2: “Bakit pare? Ano nangyari?”
LALAKE1: “Nagpakasal kasi ako!”

*

JUAN: “Pare, may nalaglag kang pilik-mata. Dapat mag-wish ka..”
PEDRO: “Ganun ba yun? Ang wish ko sana magkaroon ako ng maraming wish…”
(at nalaglag lahat ng pilik-mata ni Pedro)

*

**All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE.

 

oOo

“They say that money talks, but mine just waves goodbye.”

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