Sunday Humor 02.16.14

love is in the air

TANONG: Who hates Valentine’s Day?
SAGOT:
1. Singles na ma-drama
2. Boys na walang pera
3. Girls na pangit

Sa binyagan..
PARI: "Ano ang ipapangalan ninyo sa bata?"
NANAY: "Condom" po, pader."
PARI: "Bakit naman yan ang ipapangalan nyo?"
NANAY: "Combination ng pangalan ng lolo at lola niya.. Consuelo at Domingo.
PARI: "Ang pangit eh.. dapat combination ng pangalan ninyo ng mister mo.. Ano name mo?"
NANAY: "Candida po."
PARI: "Ok so.. "Can" ang umpisa ng pangalan.. eh yung tatay ano pangalan?"
NANAY: "Toti po."
PARI: "Ahh, sige, Condom na lang."

Two nuns were tempted to see a movie. Unfortunately when they arrived at the cinema, they saw their superior. "What are you doing here?" the superior asked.
"Oh, we came to ask permission," was their reply.

NOON: Unahan sa kamang katabi ng bintana.
NGAYON: Unahan na sa kamang katabi ng saksakan para sa charger.

A small town had one bank and three churches. Early one Monday morning, the bank called all the churches with the same urgent request.
"Please bring in your Sunday collections. We’re out of One Peso coins."

Para sa mga feelingera:
Wag mong iyabang na blue ang eyes mo dahil halatang contact lens lang yan.
Wag kang umarteng ang puti-puti mo dahil lumaklak ka ng isang truck ng glutathione at naiwan namang kulay pasas ang nipples mo.
At wag kang mag-feeling mestiza dahil blonde ang buhok mo pero itim na itim pa rin ang pubes mo.

A walks into a restaurant and growls at the maitre d’, "Do you serve crabs here?"
The maitre d’ responds, "We serve anyone. Have a seat, sir."

ANAK: "Ma, naaksidente kami nabangga yung sinasakyan namin papunta kami ng ospital ngayon pa-load ng 500 tong # na ito. Nakitext lang ako tatawag ako ngayon dyan emergency."
NANAY: "Mamamatay ka na nakuha mo pang magpaload? Di kita ganyan pinalaki! Text ka kapag pauwi ka na. Bili ako Betadine."

Wow! Naka online ka.
Ano?
Nahulaan mo nanaman ba ang password sa WIFI ng kapitbahay mo?

A five year old kid was looking at a poster at MacDonald’s and said to his mom, "Wow! I want that mommy." (pointing to a Big Mac)
The mother replied, "That’s no for kids." The kid said, "Well, can you see if they have a SMALL MAC?"

GIRL1: "Sis, patext naman?"
GIRL2: "Sure, sis."
GIRL1: "Taray, naka iphone 5."
GIRL2: "Ganoon talaga pag umuunlad."
GIRL1: "Tapos na sis. Saan ko sesend SIM1 o SIM2?"

Ngayong narinig na natin ang panig ni Vhong Navarro, may isang tanong lang po. Kaano-ano kaya ni Ced Lee si Bruce Lee? Pinsan kaya nila si Chun-Lee?

Teleserye Moments:
Pagtinutukan ng baril ang bida, isang araw pa bago iputok.
Pinompyang lang, tulog na.
May signature evil laugh ang bawat contrabida.

Weekend na naman.
Paalala sa mga gigimik mamaya:
"Drink Moderately, Landi Responsibly."

**All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE.

oOo

"Ang love life ay parang quiz lang sa school. Kapag minamadali, madalas nagkakamali. Take it easy!"

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