Thursday Humor 02.20.14

almusal

February is the Best Month of the Year..
28 days only…
and women speak less.

BOY: “Miss, Globe ka ba?”
GIRL: “Ay alam ko na yan, kasi ako ang mundo mo?”
BOY: “Makikitext lang ako, tanga!”

Color of Bra reflects a woman’s mood:
White – Relaxed
Red – Wild
Black – Sexy
Blue – Sad
Pink – Romantic
NO BRA – Perfect

Tumawag sa telepono ang isang bata.
BATA: “Hello po, may TV kayo?”
LALAKI: “Meron. Bakit?”
BATA: “Tumatakbo ba ito?”
LALAKI: “Oo.”
BATA: “Itali niyo po, baka makawala yan.”
(binagsak ng lalaki ang telepono, tumawag uli ang bata)
BATA: “Hello po, may TV kayo?”
LALAKI: (galit) “WALA!”
BATA: “Sabi ko sa inyo itali niyo eh. Nakawala tuloy!”

Kung nagflirt ka nung Valentine’s Day at nadisgrasya, Aba!
Siguraduhin mong manganganak ka sa November.

What is a Woman?
A woman is the most beautiful part of God’s creation. She starts compromising at a very tender age. She sacrifices her candies for her brother. Later she sacrifices her love for just a smile on her parent’s face.
Then after Marriage…
She takes revenge on her husband.

“Ladies first.”
Ibig sabihinun, patingin ng matambok mong pwet.

WIFE: “Honey, my tummy is getting bigger. I think I’m pregnant.”
HUSBAND: “Yeah, and I know who’s the father.”
WIFE: “Who?”
HUSBAND: “McDonalds, Domino, Subway, Chow King.”

Skinny women look good in clothes..
Curvy women look good naked.

An elderly man was walking when he happens to pass a bar.
A prosti calls out ‘Hey Grandpa! Why don’t you try me!
OLD MAN: “No child, I cannot!”
PROSTI: “Cheer up! Let’s try!”
OLD MAN enters performs like a 25~year old.
Prostitute says,“Oh Gosh! And you still say you cannot’.”
Old man replies: “Aah,sex I can, What I cannot is pay!”

Babae man o lalake, pareho lang yang namboboso…
Si lalake gustong silipin ang laman ng bra at panty ni babae.
Si babae gustong silipin ang laman ng bank account ni lalake.

A man received a message from his neighbor:
“Sorry sir, I am using your wife. . . day and night. . .when you are not at home. . .In fact, more than you; I confess because now I feel very much guilty. . .Hope you will accept my sincere apologies”.
. . . And the man shot his wife. . .
A few minutes later, he received another message:
“Sorry sir, wrong spelling. . . wifi, not wife”.

**All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE.

 

oOo

“Love me, Love my dog.”

 

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