Monday Humor 02.24.14

faces of olympic figure skating

Faces of Olympic Figure Skating

Isang linggo pa lang magshota nang bumisita si lalake sa bahay ng babae at humiling kung puwede pagbigyan na siya ni babae. Pumayag si babae at pumasok sila sa kuwarto. Nakita ni lalake na may apat na linyang nakaukit sa pader sa tabi ng kama ni babae..
LALAKE: “Ano yang apat na linyang yan?”
BABAE: “Bilang ng nakasex ko.”
LALAKE: “Wow! suwerte ko naman… apat pa lang nakakasex mo!”
BABAE: “Hindi apat yan… one thousand one hundred eleven.”

POLICE OFFICER: “I arrest people,but when I g0 h0me, I’m under h0use arrest, by my WIFE.”
PROFESSOR:  “I give lectures to students, but, when I g0 h0me, I get lectured h0urly by my WIFE.”
DIRECTOR: “I’m the boss, but when I g0 h0me, I always feel like an employee of my WIFE.”
JUDGE: “I give justice, but when I g0 h0me, I beg for justice from WIFE!”

What is the height of disappointment?
A husband goes to a pharmacy to buy condoms on a weekend, and receives SMS from his wife, “Please buy me some Whisper with Wings.”

LALAKE: “Punta ako sa inyo. Handaan mo ako ng paborito kong pagkain.”
BABAE: “Oo, babe! Naghugas na ako.”

A woman at the LRT slipped and fell. A man quickly rushed forward and helped her to her feet. She thanked him and he replied, “I’m Mar Roxas and I hope you’ll vote for the Liberal Party in 2016.”
She laughed and said, “I fell on my butt, not on my head!”

NOON: Unahan sa kamang katabi ng bintana.
Hanggang naging: Unahan sa kamang may katabing saksakan para sa charger.
NGAYON: Unahan na sa kamang may lasing na babae.

When a woman says, “What?”, it’s not because she didn’t hear you. She’s giving you a change what you said.
Wrong, she’s challenging you to have some balls and repeat it.

DATI: Pagsinabihan ka ng “I LOVE YOU!” tuwang-tuwa ka na at kinikilig ka pa!
NGAYON: Kapag sinabihan ka ng “I LOVE YOU!” maghanda ka na at ikakama ka na!

ANAK: “Nay, tingnan nyo po drawing ko oh.”
INAY: “Wow! ang galing namang magdrawing ng dinosaur ng bunso ko.”
ANAK: “Nay naman eh. Kayo po yan!”

**All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE.

 

oOo

“Kapag wala kang magawa, buksan ang zipper, ipasok ang kamay at dukutin ang libro. Magbasa ka. Hindi yung kung anu-ano naiisip mo.”

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