Wednesday Humor 03.05.14

kubetakaba

MRS: “O bakit ka gumagawa ng malaking KRUS?”
MISTER: “Magpepenitensya ako sa Mahal na Araw, makabawas man lang ng kasalanan.”
MRS: “E dapat kahoy; hindi STYROFOAM!”

“Kahit isang gabi lang, pahiram ng asawa mo.” ~ One More Try (2012)
“Walang sayo! Akin lang ang asawa ko!” ~ The Legal Wife (2014)

Kaya pala naging madamot si Angel.

MAJA: “Mahal ko si Adrian! Akin siya! Akin lang siya!”
ANGEL: “Walang sayo, Maja!”
MAJA: “Bakit yang damit mo?! Sayo ba yan?”
ANGEL: ???
MAJA: “Kay “Maria Mercedes” yang pulang dress na yan!!”

GIRL: “You’re cute when you’re drunk.”
GUY: “You’re cute too when I’m drunk.”

Ibigay sa TATAY!
1. Nancy Binay realigns 300 million peso “pork” to National Housing Authority. Her father is the housing czar.
2. Manila council backs Jinggoy’s 100 million peso pork for Erap’s city…

The abbot of the monastery called up an elderly monk and had a gentle talk with him.
“Brother, may I ask you to change your ritual in the chapel? I don’t mind hearing your snoring during my prayers, but I can’t stand your changing gears.”

Sign in a convenience store:
“Win a FREE Ride in a Police Car just by Shoplifting in this store.”

LALAKE: “Uy ang laki ng bubs nung dumadaan.”
BABAE: “Bakit kayong mga lalake ang hilig-hilig ninyong tumingin sa bubs?”
LALAKE: “Magandang tingnan eh, appreciative lang kami.”
BABAE: “Kahit habang nagpapasuso ng baby?”
LALAKE: “Hindi.”
BABAE: “Kita mo na, mga bastos kayo talaga! puro sex nasa isip niyo. dapat ma appreciate niyo ang bubs sa natural nitong gamit.”
LALAKE: “Ganito lang yan… mahilig din kami sa puwet ng babae pero ayaw naman namin pinapanood na may lumalabas na dumi duon di ba?”

WIFE: “Hi babe. Nakauwi ka na ba?”
HUSBAND: “Hindi pa. Nandito pa ako sa hospital.”
WIFE: “Hah? Bakit? Anong nangyari?” (umiyak)
HUSBAND: “Nurse ako di ba? Sabog ka ba?”

A man, shocked by how his buddy is dressed, asked him, “How long have you been wearing a bra?”
The friend replies, “Ever since my wife found it in the glove compartment.”

Dalawang lalaki ang nagapply sa parehong trabaho at binigyan sila ng Manager nang written test. Kahit parehong score nila na 90% sa test, pinili ng Manager ang unang applicant. Dahil kinausap ng second applicant ang manager.
APPLICANT2: ” Bakit naman po ganoon? Pareho naman po kaming 90% ang score.”
MANAGER: “Yung kasama mo kasing applicant ang isinagot sa tanong number 8, “Hindi ko alam.” Ikaw ang sinagot mo naman, “Hindi ko rin alam.”

BF at GF nag-aaway.
GF: “Ano ba talaga siya sayo?”
BF: “Pwede ba wag mo na siyang pagselosan, bestfriend ko lang yun.”
GF: “Wag mo sakin idahilan yan! Dahil Bestfriend din kita nuon!”

I ran into the Apple store at SM and used their bathroom…
iPEED!

March na!
Congratulations sa mga dinatnan na magmula nuong February 14. :p

**All of the above jokes courtesy of Mike. 

 

oOo
“May mga babaeng maganda kapag malayo. Meron ding malayong maging maganda.”