Monday Humor 03.17.14

2014-01-26 06.56.25

Poem of Love
Mahal kita
Todong todo
Walang brake
Walang preno
sumalpok man sa kanto
Ikaw pa rin mahal ko

Sa dahon ng Gumamela
Sa bulaklak ng Sampaguita
Doon mo makikita
Ang katagang mahal kita

Mahal kita sa tagalog
I love you sa English
143 sa mathematics
Ewan ko lang sa Physics

Tubig is water
Ilog is river
Combine it together
I love you forever

Pepsi ka sa buhay ko
Royal ka sa puso ko
Pag-ako niloko mo
Colt 45 para sau.

 A little boy watched his parents receive Communion. When they returned to their seat, they closed their eyes and bowed their heads. The mother was pleased that the boy was watching and thought she was giving him a good example of piety. Suddenly, the boy leaned over and whispered, “What’s that stuff you have eaten which makes you go right to sleep?”

At a wedding, ushers were escorting guests to their seats, either the bride’s side or the groom’s side. Two Arab tourists visited the church and an usher came to their aid. “Where you would you like to sit, the groom’s or bride’s group?” the usher asked.
Confused, they blurted out, “non-smoking please.”

A woman interviewed on her 102nd birthday was asked about the benefit of living past a century mark.
“No peer pressure,” she said.

How Women Ask For Sex:
“Honey, let’s sleep early today.”
How Men Ask For Sex:
“Baby, prepare your p*ssy, because today I’ll destroy it.”

Warning:
Hell hath no fury like a woman whom you won’t let see a picture of her you just took.

GIRL: “Basta ako virgin pa ako.”
BOY: “Bakit?”
GIRL: “Hinihintay ko kasi ang “right guy.”
BOY: “Ano ba ang right guy para sayo?”
GIRL: “Gusto ko kasi ang lalakeng isasakripisyo ang lahat para lang sa akin… sa kanya ko ibibigay ang virginity ko.”
BOY: “Yung tipong willing makulong o mamatay para maka-sex ka lang?”
GIRL: “Ganun nga.”
BOY: “Hahaha… rapist ang hanap mo!”

Mag-asawang may edad sa grocery..
MISIS: “Grabe, nagtataasan na lahat ng presyo bilihin, pati gas at kuryente pataas nang pataas!”
MISTER: “Oo nga eh… dede mo na lang ang bumababa.”
MISIS: “Hindi ah… betlog mo din.”
MISTER: “Haha… gaga… labyu.”
MISIS: “Ulol… labyu too.”

Lesson: Hindi nabibili ng pera ang tunay na pag-ibig kahit na nagbabasagan at nagbabastusan.

Naglalakad ang lalake sa kalye nung biglang may narinig siyang boses.
“Tigil! Pag humakbang ka pa ng isa, mahuhulugan ka ng sanga.”
Tumigil ang lalake, nahulog ang sanga. Nung liliko siya sa isang eskinita, may boses uli.
“Tigil. Pag gumalaw ka, masasagasaan ka.” Biglang may matulin na motorsiklo na dumaan.
LALAKE: “Sino ka? Bakit ininiligtas mo ako?”
BOSES: “Ang guardian angel mo. Ginagabayan kita araw-araw.”
LALAKE: “Nasaan ka noong pumili ako ng mapapangasawa?”

A wife was furious when she found her husband untagged himself from some pictures she posted on Facebook. He said, “They are embarrassing!”
“Embarrassing?” she screamed. “It was our wedding picture!”

Days after it was reported that two congressmen filed a bill seeking to penalize people who wouldn’t fall in line, another solon, Cong. Rene Relampagos, filed a bill that seeks to declare ADOBO as “national food.” A majority of his colleagues express support for the bill because of their undying Love of PORK!

Mga Batas na Inaatupag ng Ating mga Mambabatas..
Gawing Pambansang Pagkain ang Adobo
Batas para sa Pagsasa-ayos ng Pila
Batas Para Palitan ang Pangalan ng EDSA bilang Cory Avenue.
Sige Lang! Shabu Pa!

 

**All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE.

 

oOo

“Dear HAHAHA, Thank you for always being there when I don’t know what to say.”

 

 

 

 

 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.