Sunday Humor 03.23.14

ang sakit

BABAE naka todo make-up at maiksing skirt naglalakad malapit sa ABS-CBN studio.
LALAKE: “Hi sexy! miss, artista ka ba?”
BABAE: “Hah! hindi, bakit mo naman natanong?”
LALAKE: “Bagay ka kasi si dysebel.”
BABAE: “Kamukha ko si anne curtis, ganon?”
LALAKE: “Hindi…ikaw yung hipon dun.”

A boy saw two blind men who were about to fight. He then shouted…
You could see how fast they both ran off…

Senior Wedding
Jacob, aged 92, and Ruby, aged 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a walk and pass a drugstore. Jacob suggest they go in..
JACOB: Are you owner?”
JACOB: “We’re about to get married? Do you have cardiac, cardiovascular drugs?”
PHARMACIST: “Of course we do.”
JACOB: “Medicines for rheumatism, arthritis, Parkinson’s?”
PHARMACIST: “Definitely.”
JACOB: “What about vitamins, sleeping pills?”
PHARMACIST: “Absolutely.”
JACOB: “You have wheelchairs and walkers?”
PHARMACIST: “All speeds and sizes.”
JACOB: “We’d like to use your store as our Bridal Registry..”

EXPECTATIONS: Tall, Dark and Handsome.
REALITY: Tol, sa Dark lang siya Handsome.

GIRL: “Doctor, how much does it cost to have plastic surgery?”
DOCTOR: “Around 300 thousand pesos.”
GIRL: “That much?! Okay, what if I bring the plastic?”

“Why are you so excited?” a surgeon asked the patient to be anesthetized.
“But, doc, this is my first operation,” the patient replied.
“Really? It’s my first operation too, and I’m not excited at all.”

Pag-uwi ni mister nadatnan niya si misis hubo’t hubad habang nagpapadulas sa hawakan ng hagdan.
MISTER: “Anong ginagawa mo?”
MISIS: “Ano pa? Eh di iniinit itong hapunan mo.”

JAIL WARDEN: ” I’ve been in this prison for 20 years and that calls for a celebration. What kind of party would you want boys?”

A wife keeps leaving magazines lying around with the jewelry ads encircled.
The husband got the hint. For her birthday, he’s buying a magazine rack..

Men and women shop differently.
Men know what they want before they see it.
Women don’t know what they want until they see it.

A wife walked on her husband having sex with her twin. He said to her, “Darling, I’m sorry, I thought it was you. How do I tell the difference?”
“Michael has a dick,” she replied.

Delfin Lee is detained at a Pampanga jail. Unconfirmed reports stated that his blood pressure rosed to 140 and further complained of arm pains..
St. Luke’s Medical was ecstatic.

Elections and Erections are spelled almost similarly. They both mean the same thing.
A dick rising to power. 😀

**All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE.



“Huwag kang matakot mag-isa dahil doon mo malalaman kung sino ang mag-eeffort na makasama ka.”



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