Friday Humor 04.04.14

dede o nunal

Deniece Cornejo is reported to have said, “yung perang makukuha kay Vhong ay para sana sa Yolanda victims.”
Ayun naman pala, Rape For A Cause.

Nagkasabay ang mag EX sa tricycle..
DRIVER: “Miss, san po kayo bababa?”
BABAE: “Barangay Bigay, Sitio kuha, Ubos biyaya, Change Shota!”
DRIVER: “Sir, san po kayo bababa?”
LALAKE: “Brgy. Tamang Hinala, Minahal mo ng tama, Ikaw pa masama!”
BABAE at LALAKE: “Magkano po?”
DRIVER: “Bitter, mahigit kumulang di mabilang, parehas kayong nagkulang, walang kuwentang pinagsamahan. Bente pesos lang!”

A man opened a new strip club called THE G-SPOT.
After a week, he had to close it down as most men couldn’t find it.

Isang di karaniwang advertisement..
ALING TINAY HILOT
Pilay – 100 pesos
Masahe – 300 pesos
Buntis – 500 pesos

ESPESYAL SIRBIS
Kulamin ang tsimosa – 2,000 pesos
Gayumain ang Babae o Lalaki spesyal deskawnt – 4,500 pesos

CHAT SA KALULUWA
5 minits – 100 pesos
10 minits – 15 pesos
30 minits – 250 pesos
UNLI – 500 pesos

A car driver and his passenger died in an accident. A police officer at site saw a monkey came out of the crumpled car. The officer said, “I wish you could talked.” and the monkey shook his head.
“You can understand what I’m saying?” asked the officer. Again the monkey shook his head.
“Did you see what happened?” The monkey shook his head, motioned as if he has a can in his hand and put it into his lips.
“They were drinking?” asked the officer. The monkey shook his head.
“What else?” The monkey pinched his fingers together and put them to his mouth.
“They were smoking weeds?” Yes.
“What were you doing during that time?”
“Driving,” motioned the monkey.

PEDRO: “Nagyoyosi ka ba?”
JUAN: “Oo.”
PEDRO: “Ilang kaha sa isang araw?”
JUAN: “4.”
PEDRO: “Magkano isang kaha?”
JUAN: “80.”
PEDRO: “Gaano kana katagal nagyoyosi?”
JUAN:” 20 years.”
PEDRO: “Alam mo ba kung inipon mo yung pinambili mo ng yosi ng 20 years eh may Montero ka na?”
JUAN: “Ikaw nagyoyosi ka ba?”
PEDRO: “Hindi!”
JUAN: “Eh nasaan na yung Montero mo?”

Men looks at boobs for the same reason women look at puppies in cages.
We just want to set them free and play with them.

Told a cable TV man there’s no TV here. He said, “Well there’s an aerial on the roof.”
I replied, “Well, there’s a pint of milk in my fridge, but it doesn’t mean there’s a cow in the kitchen.”

Lumulubog ang isang barko..
CAPTAIN: “Palubog na ang Barko, Magsikapit kayo!”
(lahat kumapit sa kanya)
CAPTAIN: “Mga hunghang! Bakit sakin kayo kumakapit?”
MGA PASAHERO: “Dahil ikaw ang KAPITAN!”

Official documents showed at least 83 lawmakers have been linked anew to misuse of pork barrel funds through the government’s National Agribusiness Corporation. That’s 83 possible defendants to plunder or graft cases. Even St. Luke’s Medical Center was taken aback, “Teka lang, di pa kami ready diyan!”

Sa ABS, may DYESEBEL..
Sa GMA7, may KAMBAL SIRENA,
Sa TV5, anong meron?
SARDINAS?

**All of the above jokes courtesy MIKE.

 

 

oOo

“Ang lahat ng babae ay may kanya-kanyang fairytale sa utak.”

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