Saturday Humor 04.05.14

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Three Words Women Most Want To Hear From A Man:
“You Lost Weight!”

Mga Klase Ng Suweldo:
Sibuyas na Suweldo – kapag hinati-hati mo na sa gastusin.. mapapaluha ka.
Pampapayat na Suweldo – Habang tumatagal, pakonti ng pakonti ang natitirang pangkain mo.
Magic Suweldo – Konti kumpas lang ng kamay at, VOILA!… wala na siya.
Mala-bagyong Suweldo – Di ka siguradong kung kailang ito darating at kung gaano ito tatagal.
Korning Pelikulang Suweldo – Tinatawanan mo na lang para di ka mabwisit
Konserbatibong  Suweldo – Nakakawala nang inspirasyon
Reglang Suweldo – Isang beses sa isang buwan lang dumadating at tumatagal lang ng tatlong araw.

Walking around a hypermart, a wife told her husband she is leaving him because he is irresponsible and hasn’t grown up.
The husband was so shocked he almost fell out of the shopping cart.

In case, a Makati court allows it, suspected pork barrel scam queen, Janet Napoles will use her own money, not taxpayers’ money for her surgery. Some wags ask, “What’s the difference?”

PEDRO: “Honey, bakit pag nag-aaway tayo hindi ka lumalaban o sumasagot man lang sakin katulad ng mga misis ng nga kumpare ko? Pano mo nakokontrol ang galit mo?”
MINERVA: “Wala yun! Dinadaan ko lang sa paglilinis ng inidoro..”
PEDRO: “Talaga? Pano naman nakakatulong ang bagay na yun sayo?”
MINERVA: “Yung toothbrush mo ang ginagamit ko!”

You know you’re getting on with the years..
When an “all nighter” means not getting up to pee..
When all the names in your black book have M. D. after them..
When “getting lucky” means finding your car in the parking building..
When the candles cost more than the cake!

Isang araw bumisita ang may-ari sa kanyang pabrika at may nakita siyang lalaking nakatayo at walang ginagawa kaya nilapitan niya eto at tinanong, “Magkano ang sinusuweldo mo buwan-buwan?”
“8 libo po sir.”

Kinuha ng may-ari ang wallet at dumukot ng 24 libong piso. “Eto ang 3 buwan mong suweldo at wag ka nang babalik dito, ang binabayaran ko dito yung mga taong nagtatrabaho hindi yung magsasayang lang ng oras!”
Mabilis umalis ang lalake at tinawag ng may-ari yung isang manager niya, “Ano ba pangalan nuong pinaalis kong yun?”
“Ah, di ko alam, boss, Pizza Hut delivery boy yun.”

A guy at a bar said to the barmen, “Give me six double brandy.” The barman remarked, “Wow! You must have had a bad day!”
“Yes, I’ve found my older brother is gay,”
the man replied.
Next day, the man returned to the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the barman asked what the problem was today, the reply was, “I found out that my younger brother is gay too.”
On the third day, the man came into the bar and ordered another six double brandy. “Wow! Doesn’t anybody in your family like broads?”
“Yeah, my wife..”
was the reply.

Maraming babae ang nauwi sa ganito:
Elementary – Valedictorian
High School – Salutatorian
College – Ceasarian

Palusot ng isang lasinggero…
“Nagkataon lang na may pera ako at may alak sa tindahan. It means, coincidence ang lahat!”

LALAKE: “May ibibigay akong gift sayo, pero hulaan mo.”
BABAE: “Sige, clue naman.”
LALAKE: “Kailangan ito ng leeg mo.”
BABAE: “Kwintas?”
LALAKE: “Hindi, panghil0d!”

Dear Babaero at Lalakera..
Masyado bang maluwang ang puso mo at nagkasya silang lahat?

 

**All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE.

 

oOo

“Every girl needs a man. A man who will prove that not every guy in this world is the same as the one who hurt her.”

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