Sunday Humor 04.06.14

carwash d2

Magshota sa sinehan. Pinilit ni babae ipasok ang kamay niya sa pantalon ni lalake.
LALAKE: “Huwag diyan, di ako sanay eh.”
BABAE: “Bakit? Di naman nila nakikita eh.”
LALAKE: “Uhm, di talaga ako sanay.”
BABAE: “Di naman nila alam ginagawa natin eh.”
LALAKE: “Wag na kase.”
BABAE: “Bakit?”
LALAKE: “Nakalimutan ko mag-brief eh.”

A guy came home from work and saw his girlfriend walking around the house in his shirt and boxers. He thought nothing of it. The next day, the girlfriend came home and found his boyfriend in her blouse and undies. Suddenly, she said, “We have to have a little chat…”

JUAN: “Kahit tindero lang ako ng fishball, me anak ako sa Ateneo, UP at La Salle!”
PEDRO: “Wow, ano course?”
JUAN: “Ala, titinda din ng fishball!”

A man forgot his laptop on the floor of his room. His grandmother thought it was a scale.
His conclusion: Grandma weighs $950.

Mga Nakakatakot na Linya ng mga Babae Kahit Minsan Wala Naman Dapat Ikatakot:
1. “Kailangan nating magusap…”
2. “Wala ka bang aaminin sa akin?”
3. “May nakakita daw sayo…”
4. “Bakit may ganito kang text?”
5. “Sino si (pangalan ng babae)?”

A stoned guy at McDo.
GUY: “Can I have a McChicken, a pack of cigarettes and a bottle of vodka.”
CREW: “Sir, this is McDonalds.”
GUY: “Ok sorry, I meant McCigarettes and McVodka.”

JUAN: “Ba’t nagpulbo ka? Mukha kang Crinkles.”
JOSE: “Ikaw nga nag Turtle neck, mukha ka tuloy na Roll On.”

If your wife or girlfriend catches you looking at another woman, turn to her and say, “I’m glad you don’t dress like that.” 😀

BOY: “Isang bagay lang naman ang hinihiling kong magkapareho tayo eh.”
GIRL: “Ano?”
BOY: “Apelyido.”
GIRL: “Sige papaampon na kita bukas kina mama at papa para madagdagan kapatid ko.”

A catechism teacher chose the story of Samson for her primary class. “This is the story of the strongest man who ever lived, “ she began, “can you guess his name?”
The children looked bewildered, so she gave them a clue. “His name starts with the letter S.”
In unison, the kids shouted, “SUPERMAN!”

PEDRO: “Dre, I saw your girl washing dishes at a restaurant last night. I didn’t know she works there.”
JUAN: “She doesn’t.Pedro: Ha? I saw her!”
JUAN: “She cheated on me so I asked her for a date, took her there, told her not to bring her purse, I got this. So we ordered and the bill came to P20,000. I told her I was going to the bathroom but instead I left.”

**All of the above jokes courtesy of Mike.

 

 

oOo

“Women don’t know what they want…Until they see what another woman has.”

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