Monday Humor 04.28.14

tips

Pag-uwi ni mister tahimik sa bahay at nakapatay ang ilaw sa sala at kusina kaya tumuloy siya sa kwarto at nadatnan niya si misis na nakahubad sa kama…
MISTER: “Bakit ka nakahubad?”
MISIS: “Ah eh.. kasi wala akong masuot na damit.”
MISTER: “Walang masuot? eh ang dami-dami kong biniling bagong damit para sayo nung isang linggo!”
Pumunta si mister sa cabinet at binuksan…
MISTER: “Eto yung blue dress, eto yung red blouse, eto yung black, eto si pare, eto yung floral dress, eto yung green, teka…”

Kapag binato ka ng bato, try mo umiwas.
Hindi na uso tanga ngayon.

A priest and a pastor stood at a roadside holding up a sign that read, “The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it’s too late!” They held up the sign to each passing car. “Leave us alone you religious nuts!” yelled the first driver as he sped by.
From around the bend, they heard a big splash. “Do you think,” said the priest, “we should just put up a sign that says ‘bridge out’ instead?”

Hindi na puwede maliitin at diskriminahin ang mga manginginom ngayon. Aba, sa laki ng tax na binabayaran ng mga manginginom, malaking pondo ang nabibigay nila sa gobyerno.

JUAN: “Tuwing magdadala ako ng girlfriend sa bahay, di nagugustuhan ni inay!”
PEDRO: “Magdala ka ng kamukha ng inay mo!”
JUAN: “Na-try ko na, ayaw naman ni itay!”

Nauso lang ang camera360, pati ang ulam di pinatatawad ng mga ibang tao. Ano gusto nilang i-comment natin?
“Uy, ang kinis naman nung tuyo.”
“Pumuputi yata yung champorado mo ah.”

Dear Ladies,
Hindi naman talaga kami babaero. Pero bintang kayo nang bintang. Naririnig pa ng mga kaibigan, kamaganak at kapitbahay.
Kaya napipilitan na lang kami mambabae kasi ayaw namin kayo mapahiya.
Sincerely,
Men

Men, Kung biglang parang napa-praning ang mga misis o girlfriend niyo lately. Yung tipong check nang check kung saan kayo at sinong kasama niyo.
Sisihin niyo ang “The Legal Wife.” Lahat ng babaeng nanood biglang “tamang duda” ang trip.
Good luck sa lahat!

A boy was crying and his dad asked him why. “I’ve lost 10
pesos”
sobbed the boy. “Don’t worry,” said the dad kindly. “Here’s 10 more for you.” At this the boy howled louder than ever. “Now what is it?” asked the dad.
“I wish I’d said I lost 200 pesos.”

Two men are talking. The first says, “I got married because I was tired of eating out, cleaning the house, doing the laundry…”
“Really,”
the second, “I just go divorced for the very same reasons.”

**All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE.

 

 

oOo

“Huwag kang matakot mag-isa dahil doon mo malalaman kung sino ang mag-eeffort na makasama ka.”

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