Tuesday Humor 04.29.14

yelo

Sa init ng panahon ngayon, gusto mo bang umulan ng yelo?

Pumasok sa kotse ng customer ang prosti..
PROSTI: “Oh, ano na naman ang kailangan mo sakin?”
CUSTOMER: “Eh ano pa, eh di yang extra service mo.”
PROSTI: “Wag mong sabihin yun na naman? Naku ha, pagod na pagod na ko. Masakit pa dalawang hita ko.”
CUSTOMER: “Sige na, bayaran ko araw mo, plus 20 thousand pa, gawin mo lang dito na ko inabutan eh.”
PROSTI: (lumabas ng kotse) “Sige na nga. Start mo agad, pag katulak ko ng kotse mo ah!”

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Golden Rule:
Kapag tama si babae, mali ka.
At kapag mali si babae, mas mali ka!

REPORTER: “What made you go out on that dangerous ice pond and risk your life to save a friend?”
BOY HERO: “I had to do it. He had my skates on.”

Visiting a seriously ill lawyer in the hospital, his friend found him sitting up in bed leafing through the Bible. “What are you doing?” he asked.
“Looking for loopholes,” replied the lawyer.

GURO: ‘Ang tawag sa maliit na hipon ay HIBI.”
JUAN: “Mam! Bakit po hibi eh magaan lang naman iyon?”

A cop stops a drunk wandering the streets at 4 in the morning. “Can you explain why you are out at this hour?”
The drunk replies, “If I would be able to explain myself, I would have been home by now.”

Hindi na puwede maliitin at diskriminahin ang mga manginginom ngayon. Aba, sa laki ng tax na binabayaran ng mga manginginom, malaking pondo ang nabibigay nila sa gobyerno.

Definition of WASTE…
Bus load of congressmen going over the cliff of Kennon Road with Two empty seats…

A man enters a wine store and asks the owner, “What would you advise me for my silver wedding anniversary?”
“Sir,”
the owner said, “it depends if you want to celebrate or to forget…”

While eating at an expensive restaurant, a patron over heard a gentleman at the next table ask the waiter to pack the leftovers for their dog. It was then that the young son exclaimed, “Whoopee! We’re going to buy a dog!”

A judge had given the defendant a lecture on the evils of alcoholism. But since this was the first time the man had been drunk, the case was dismissed on payment of a small fine.
“Now don’t let me ever see your face again,” the judge warned the man.
“I’m afraid I can’t promise that, sir,” said the released man.
“And why not?”
“Because I’m the bartender at your favorite pub.”

Two men are chatting at a bar.
“Tell me, how does your wife react when you come home drunk?”
“I’m single.”
“And why are you drinking then?”

May lalaking nasiraan sa tapat ng mental hospital at may sira ulong lumapit.
LALAKE: “Ahh… Baka puwede mo akong tulungan nawala yung dalawang tornilyo eh.”
SIRA ULO: “Ah tangalin mo lang yung ibang tornilyo sa kabilang gulong. Puwede na yun.”
LALAKE: “Wow. Ang galing mo ah! Bakit ka nasa mental?”
SIRA ULO: “Sira ulo po ako pero di ako TANGA!”

**All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE.

 

 

oOo

“TANDAAN MO: Pag may kaaway ka, dito lang ako, dito lang talaga ako, tapos dyan ka lang baka madamay ako.”

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