Wednesday Humor 07.30.14

coke float

NANAY: “Tigilan mo yang pagbo-boyfriend mo! Walang mangyayari sa inyo!”
ANAK: “Weh! Bat kagabi meron!”

Ang mag syotang sabay nag leave sa trabaho, malamang live-in ang plano.

A lawyer consulted her doctor.
“Which side is it best to lie on?” he asked.
“The side that pays your fee,” replied the doctor.

KANO: (Trying to speak tagalog) “Megkanow isang kelow menggow?”
PINOY: “One way!”
KANO : “Megkanow?”
PINOY: “I said One way!”
KANO: “Ano Eybig Sabeyhin One way?”
PINOY: “ISANG DAAN!”

A young pregnant woman had given birth in the elevator of a hospital. She was so embarrassed that she cried. A nurse said, “Don’t feel bad. Two years ago, another woman delivered in the lawn of the hospital.” The woman burst out crying and said, “I know… that was me too!”

TITSER: “Ano ang pambansang ibon?”
STUDENT: “Chicken?”
TITSER: “Hindi kulay brown ito.”
STUDENT: “Fried chicken.”
TITSER: “Hindi mas maliit ito sa chicken.”
STUDENT: “AH, Knorr chicken cubes.”

NOON: Kapag birthday mo, madaming regalo.
NGAYON: Kapag birthday mo, madaming notification.

Two friends robbed a truck load of lumber. One’s conscience started bothering him so he went to a confession. The priest asked what his sin was. He said that he and a friend robbed a truck load of lumber. The priest said it was a big sin and asked if he know how to make a “novena.” “No,” replied the penitent, “but if you got the plans… I GOT THE LUMBER.”

Ang tunay na estudyante inuulit ang sinasabi ng teacher.
TEACHER: “Class? get 1/4 sheet of paper.”
STUDENTS: “1/4 ma’am?”

A spinster of 92 agreed to live in a nursing home but on a 2-week trial basis, so she took a small overnight case with the bare essentials.
A week later, her niece got a phone call from her asking for more clothes. “Please bring me that black silk, my lavender print…” and she went on and on.
After one question from her niece, the old lady expostulated, “There are MEN in his place!”

BOY: “Minsan, umakyat ako sa bubong. Tapos nadulas ako at nahulog sa lupa. At dun na nagsimula ang salitang..”HULOG NG LANGIT”
GIRL: “Ang tanga naman ng langit.. NAGHULOG NG PANGIT!”

Sa AMERICA, kapag nawalan ng kuryente, tumatawag sa POWER COMPANY. Sa JAPAN naman, tine-test ang FUSE.
Sa PILIPINAS, TSINE-CHECK KUNG MERON ANG KAPITBAHAY.

**All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE.

 

 

oOo

“Right person, wrong time. Right time, wrong person. New person, old lies. Old person, new lies.”

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